Female forward: Actor turned writer-director Heather Graham wins the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival King Vidor Award for Excellence in Filmmaking 

Heather Graham is super nice. Maybe even too nice. She's been an admitted people pleaser, which can make one into a doormat. In an art-imitates-life moment, her character in her new movie, Chosen Family—the second one she wrote and directed after Half Magic (2018)—is also super nice. The story's about a put-upon woman who learns to say no to others and yes to herself.

Graham plays Ann, a yoga instructor with an impossible family. Her sister is self-destructive, her mother is a master guilt-tripper, and her father is hyper-religious and deeply judgmental—hardly the supportive family we all hope for.

"I wanted to tell a story about something that meant a lot to me, which was finding your chosen family," Graham told New Times during a recent Zoom call to discuss her King Vidor Award win at the SLO Film Fest.

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• Cover Photo Courtesy Of The San Luis Obispo International Film Festival
• TRIPLE THREAT Heather Graham may be best known as an actor in films such as Boogie Nights, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, and The Hangover, but she's now turned to writing and directing.

"Even if you come from a dysfunctional family or have been in some dysfunctional relationships, finding these kinds of amazing friends that are really your family—I wanted to tell a story about that."

Graham, 54, is part of the recent wave of female filmmakers challenging the Hollywood boys club and delivering stories told from a female perspective.

"As I worked in Hollywood, I found that I was mostly working with men, and I was very lucky to work with a lot of very talented men. I think I personally just like watching stories about women, and I felt really inspired by looking at women who were telling their own stories, personal stories [told by] Frankie Shaw or Phoebe Waller-Bridge or Greta Gerwig and other different female writer-directors that were telling stories I felt like I could relate to more.

"Of course, there are so many amazing movies that are told from the male perspective that I love," Graham added, "but I just wish there were more movies told from a female perspective, so I just wanted to be part of this wave of filmmaking."

Similar to Chosen Family, Graham's first film, Half Magic, is about a female protagonist with a difficult family. She also keeps making poor choices in men. In it, she plays Honey, an aspiring screenwriter and assistant to Hollywood powerbroker Peter Brock, an insufferable prick.

"Honestly, I have worked with people like that," Graham said with a laugh. "I mean, not that I had sex with them. I just added that as an extra [story element in Half Magic]. Just know that there are definitely guys like that out there that have not been MeToo'ed."

Honey takes control of her life after she attends a pussy-centric female empowerment seminar and meets two other women who become her besties. After some ups and downs (a story needs a muddle, right?), they discover the importance of supporting each other. The similarities between the two storylines are undeniable. Where do these ideas come from?

"It just came to me," Graham said. "Maybe I'm working through something, I don't know. I just got inspired. It's not about specific people, but probably just stuff from my life inspires me, and I just make it up."

Other articles have chronicled Graham's real-life devoutly religious parents, their disapproval of her career, and subsequent estrangement, but Graham has made clear elsewhere she doesn't want to talk about it. Still, it's clearly a theme.

Becoming a writer-director

After such a long career—one of her first major roles was in 1988 as Mercedes Lane in the Corey Haim and Corey Feldman teen comedy License to Drive—how has working with so many directors over the years informed her approach to working with actors?

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• Photo Courtesy Of VMI Worldwide And Verdi Productions
• BLOCKED After a string of bad choices, Ann (Heather Graham) finally thinks she's found "the one" in Steve (John Brotherton), until his precocious daughter, Lilly (Ella Grace Helton, far right), begins to undermine their relationship, in Chosen Family, written and directed by Graham and screening on April 27, in the Fremont Theater.

"I think I've learned a lot by working with a lot of really talented people, and of course I understand what actors are going through. I think most actors can be a little bit insecure, I know I can be, so I try to supportive and encouraging. It's almost like a [form of] love—you give them love and let them relax and do what they do best. It's like being in a family where you want all the members to feel good about themselves, to have fun, to do a good job, to feel good about what they did."

And what about the writing process? Does it come quickly?

"I can write it all somewhat quickly, but then I end up going back and working on it, so it ends up taking a long time," Graham noted. "I mean, it's sort of strange. I guess it's like when people are sculpting. You go back and keep removing the marble, and then, 'What have I done?' You don't know."

What she does know is what a herculean effort it is to go from page to screen.

"It's so hard to get a movie made. So even though I could look at both [my] movies and say, 'OK, there are definitely things I could improve,' I'm really proud of myself that I made two movies. To make a movie in this business is so hard, so I basically feel like I climbed Mount Everest and succeeded just by making it.

"It's also so fun to work with really talented actors and appreciate and enjoy watching them make these characters you wrote come to life."

Was part of her turn from acting to writing-directing driven by the roles she was being offered?

"Yeah, for sure," she said. "I feel like I wanted to give myself interesting roles and tell stories I really cared about. I think in Chosen Family ... as I look back, I think that I was maybe codependent, I was a people pleaser, I felt like it was my job to take care of other people, and maybe sometimes I didn't take care of myself enough, so I wanted to make a movie that was entertaining and tell a story about a woman who fights this battle with codependency and wins, and learns how to stand up for herself and set boundaries and take care of herself and put herself first instead of putting everyone else first.

"It was a meaningful journey in my life that I went through, and I just thought, even when I was in it and it was painful, when I look back, I can think it was kind of funny."

As heady and emotionally draining as the premises of Chosen Family and Half Magic might seem, both are very funny films, and Graham writes whip-smart dialog. She's very good at holding up a mirror to her male audience, showing them their flaws.

"I'm hoping to do it in a way that's humorous and loving and not too angry," she said with a smile. "'This is funny, let's look at it, and let's be aware of it.' As a culture, how do we grow? And it's not just men, it's women. Why do we accept this kind of behavior? Why do we gravitate towards these kinds of people. We need to try to have more awareness of the sexism of the culture.

"I really care about women's issues," she continued, "and I'm into female storytelling. Equality comes from the messages we get culturally in films and TV, so I think it's important to put forth stories that are empowering to women. You know, if you go back and look at some of these movies we loved in the '80s, a lot of them are pretty sexist, so I hope we change the messages we give the audience in terms of viewing women in society.

"We didn't really think about it when we were watching it—'Oh my God, this movie's great,' but some of the stuff in there? The one girl passes out in Sixteen Candles, and it's, 'Just take her.' That's not cool."

What's old, what's new

Graham's had so many memorable roles, from Roller Girl in Boogie Nights to Felicity Shagwell in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me to Jade in The Hangover. She's also had some less-than-memorable roles. Any regrets?

"Oh sure. There were a lot of things. My boyfriend [professional snowboarder and businessman John de Neufville], he's not a big movie watcher, so recently he said, 'I'm going to go back and watch all your movies,' and I'm like, 'Definitely don't watch some of them,'" she said with a laugh. "I said, 'Let me tell you which ones to watch and not to watch.'

"As an actor—I mean maybe some actors can totally tell this is going to be great, or this isn't going to be great—it is a leap of faith because you don't always know if something's going to be good or not. There's definitely stuff I would not be recommending to my friends."

Graham's made it known she gets too scared to watch scary movies, but one of her more recent roles was Dr. Elizabeth Derby in the horror film Suitable Flesh (2023). Was it hard to make a scary movie?

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• Photo Courtesy Of VMI Worldwide And Verdi Productions
• STAR POWER Heather Graham and John Brotherton star in writer-director Graham's new film, Chosen Family, screening as part of the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival.

"Actually, it was really fun. I feel really proud of it. I got to play this psychiatrist, and I have this patient who says he's being possessed by a demon, but I think he's schizophrenic, but then it turns out he really is being possessed by a demon, and then the demon possesses my body, and then I get to pretend to be this demonic entity.

"It was a very fun role that I've never played before. I had a great time, to be honest."

She's also done a lot of TV series, from Twin Peaks to Scrubs to Californication to Bliss. Does she have a preference between film and TV?

"I like both. I feel like people are getting a little more brave on TV right now to tell a more interesting story. Whereas movies, I feel like people are, 'Let's tell a superhero story,' which, they're great, but I'm a little bored as a moviegoer, like is the only tentpole movie coming out some superhero story? I mean, if you're, I don't know, 11-years-old, that's amazing, but as an adult, I'd like to see something a little more original.

"I think people are willing to tell more original stories on TV because they don't have to put all that advertising into the tentpole movies where they're putting $60 million into their advertising," she continued. "There's also more female-driven content on TV."

Graham may very well be delivering some of this female-driven content in the future.

"I optioned this Liane Moriarty book. She's the woman who wrote Big Little Lies and Apples Never Fall. I think she's one of the best writers of literature out there. I'm partnering with a friend and MGM to hopefully turn it into a TV show.

"I also have a film coming out in August, and it was just named by ScreenRant as one of the most exciting Westerns about to come out, and it's called Place of Bones, and that's also by a female director [Audrey Cummings] and it's kind of a female-forward Western story where I do play a completely different kind of character. That was really fun."

For now, her team is working on getting a distributor for Chosen Family, shopping it around to get the best deal. So far, few film fans have been able to see it, and SLO Film Fest attendees will next get a chance.

"It's gone to a few film festivals," Graham explained. "It went to Santa Barbara, and it got a good reception, and we got this amazing review. Then we went to Miami, and also people seemed to really enjoy it there and get what the story was about. It went to the Denver Women in Film Festival a few days ago. That's a really cool film festival where they highlight female filmmaking, and now it's going to San Luis Obispo."

Are you ready, SLO, for the next wave of female auteurs? Because Heather Graham is coming in hot. Δ

Contact Senior Staff Writer Glen Starkey at [email protected].