'Retreat rights'? 

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How's this for job security? A disgraced California State University (CSU) chancellor who was forced to resign over his mishandling of sexual harassment complaints when he was Fresno State University's president will now be teaching in Cal Poly's Orfalea College of Business as a fully tenured faculty member making a cool $165,564 per year. And get this: Cal Poly was forced to hire him.

At a time when higher education is being attacked by conservatives for its perceived liberal indoctrination, elitism, and awarding of "useless" degrees, maybe this heart-cooling story of Joseph Castro will revive conservative sentiments toward higher education and get Republicans more interested in the idea of free college. Castro stepped down from his chancellor gig when it became clear he shielded Fresno State's former vice president of student affairs, Frank Lamas, from 2014 to 2019. Then a Title IX investigation found that Lamas violated a CSU policy prohibiting discrimination, harassment, retaliation, sexual misconduct, dating and domestic violence, and stalking against employees and third parties. Oh my! All while Castro turned a blind eye.

As far as I can tell, conservatives seem to like people who do all that nasty stuff and get away with it, right? Their de facto leader tRump said of women that his celebrity status allowed him to "grab them by the pussy." He also paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to stop her from disclosing their affair, making Donny-boy a cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater and loser who has to pay for sex, and yet conservatives lined up to lick Donald J. Trump's boots like a pack of groveling sycophants and mammon-worshipers.

Now there's former pro football player Hershel Walker, the tRump-endorsed candidate for the state of Georgia U.S. Senate seat, who's a no-abortion absolutist ... except in 2009 he allegedly paid his then-girlfriend to have an abortion. Hypocritical much? Yet his no-abortion stance will probably get him elected. These kinds of scandals used to torpedo political careers, but it seems conservatives—the self-described "family values" party—would rather hold their noses and vote for unethical reprobates if it means winning. When you believe liberals are an existential threat to your way of life, it's partisanship over morality! Yay!

So here comes Castro, who not only ignored repeated reports of his underling's sexual misconduct but even helped secure Lamas promotions and raises, and now Castro will be teaching leadership and public policy classes at Cal Poly because Castro's so-called "retreat rights" to Cal Poly were part of his deal to step down. Really?!?

Let me see if I have this straight. You cover for someone who's arguably a sexual predator, the CSU doesn't vet you effectively and promotes you to a job you're not fit for, an investigation proves you ignored your duties under Title IX, so instead of being fired you get to step down with a $260,000 settlement and the promise of a tenured professorship in San Luis Obispo, which we can all agree is way better than Fresno?

This sounds exactly like the kind of "leadership" Republicans can get behind! Teach kids to ignore the rules, protect misogynists, and reward cronyism. This sounds better than Trump University, also know as the Trump Wealth Institute, which settled three fraud lawsuits. Perhaps for conservatives, Fresno State's loss is Cal Poly's gain.

As a kiss goodbye, the Fresno State academic senate declared, "Through former Chancellor Castro's words and actions in this matter, he has violated the trust of not only the students, staff, and faculty of the CSU but also the people of the state of California. Therefore, academic senate of California State University, Fresno, affirms that Dr. Castro has demonstrated that he not only does not deserve to hold the rank of tenured professor but that he is unqualified to teach and/or conduct research in leadership and public policy."

If only accountability mattered. You're hired! Welcome to Cal Poly! Can't wait for your lecture on leadershit and pubic policy! And here's 165,564 clams a year!

That's a lot of clams for a disgraced administrator-cum-professor. And speaking of clams, this Oct. 14 to 16 is the 76th Annual Pismo Beach Clam Festival, and it seems some eager beavers have been starting early. There's a clam-poaching bonanza afoot!

According to the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, 1,174 undersized clams have been seized and 23 citations written in the last four months, July being the bumper month for poaching with 953 undersized clams discovered plus citations for harvesting 81 sandworms.

Holy shit! Sandworms! Is that a thing? Apparently Frank Hubbard's sci-fi novel Dune isn't the only place with them. In real life, sandworms, also called lugworms (Arenicola marina), are large marine worms good for bait fishing.

OK, for the record, Pismo Beach clams must be at least 4.5 inches across to be legal, and they may be taken any time of the year, but there's a limit of 10 per day. Chop onion, celery, and potatoes into bits, pour into heavy cream and melted butter, and cook over medium heat for 25 minutes. Chop up the clams and add last. Don't heat to boiling! I recommend a few dashes of red wine vinegar and salt and pepper before serving. You're welcome. Δ

The Shredder is flabbergasted. Send rants and screeds to [email protected].