Butter me up, Mid State Fair! 

Paula Deen’s life must feel like the Mid State Fair year round. I imagine her taking a dip in her butter-filled pool and then drying and styling her hair with a can of Pam.

The pores and the arteries know when you’ve reached the gates at the Paso Robles Fairgrounds. They plead with you to turn back! “Save us while you still can!”

Yet you press on toward those pearly, golden gates of corndog paradise.

What is it about the Mid State Fair that makes folks act with such reckless nutritional abandon? It probably has something to do with mob mentality and the fact that everything comes on a stick, but really, why do we do this to ourselves?

Let’s just face it: There really isn’t a totally healthy way to eat at the fair—and maybe there shouldn’t be. Maybe the fair is the last remaining oasis, free of food judgment and cholesterol worries.

And really, few people go to the fair looking for Jenny Craig-type cuisine.
I mean, some of the food is still breathing there.

With carts of delicious edibles just standing around like crack shacks on wheels, human willpower begins to look as flimsy as the Twinkie Defense.

So if you’re going to food hell, you might as well have some fun.

The Market Place hosts its final Wine Night on July 26 and will feature Pianetta Winery. This is a great way to lubricate socially, as well as financially, in preparation for your eat-athon (please take the shuttle or arrange a designated driver).

Next, find the corndog stand and hunker down for at least two; one corndog is never enough. After you’ve polished that off, head toward the Crazy Mouse ride for some gastrointestinal adventure.

As a side note, when New Times Arts Editor Anna Weltner was asked what corndog meat consisted of (Is it beef? Pork?), she stated, “I … I believe it’s pork, but I also believe there’s a lot of weird stuff in there, too.”

For dessert, try some deep-fried butter. No, I’m not kidding; it’s a thing. Or, if the corndogs proved to be lackluster in the calorie department, pick up some good old-fashioned burgers and chow down next to the livestock barn.

If you haven’t had to be defibrillated by a carnie yet, polish everything off with a churro, deep-fried snickers, or funnel cake.

Make sure to properly (or at least partially) digest before attempting the Zipper, the Hammer, or anything else likely to bring your stomach up into your heart cavity. ∆

Calendar Editor Maeva Considine wrote this week’s Bites, and it was stroke inducing. We want a Bite! Send your cuisine related news to [email protected].