Adulting like toddlers 

South County is going for the win these days when it comes to drama that you cringe over but can't peel your eyes away from.

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Last week, there was the whole ribbon debacle. It was blue ribbons versus rainbow ribbons in Arroyo Grande and Grover Beach. Adults with colored plastic and scissors were angrily fighting over ribbons on trees in an attempt to win their respective side of a debate that started on—you guessed it—Facebook.

Blue for law enforcement and rainbow for diversity. Being supportive of law enforcement and supporting equal rights for all are apparently mutually exclusive ideals that can't coexist peacefully. Pick a side, America!

All you people trying to stay in the middle better get the picture: You're either with us or against us!

Which might actually be the stupidest comment I've ever heard in my life. And takes a cue directly from the Great Orange Poobah of the United States of America­—"THE LONE WARRIOR," according to @RealDonaldTrump's Twitter feed. Ugh. More like THE LONE LOON.

Anyway, this South County conversation, which took place on trees and in divergent and exclusive Facebook groups, devolved into death threats and street confrontations. And eventually Grover Beach City Manager Matt Bronson had to step in and spank the adults like their parents never did. Play nice out there, ya'll!

What's with the death threats, people? Is that plan B, if plan A (not getting what you want) goes awry? Well fine then, I'm going to kill you! Goodness. I think some of you need to see a therapist. You clearly have a problem coping with negative emotions.

Which is also clearly the case in Oceano.

That's where they make Facebook groups—yes, another damn Facebook group—targeting Oceano Community Services District (CSD) board members.

It's very adult! The most adult. The very best adulting an adult can do. No really, it actually is. Believe me.

Oceano Against Cynthia is serious about its mission to get board member Cynthia Replogle out. Linda Austin, the CSD president (!!), is one of the administrators of the group. But don't worry, guys, they changed the name to something a bit more professional—Five Cities Citizens for Better Government—which you should remember anytime you see a group name that makes it sound more legitimate than it actually is. Californians for Energy Independence, I'm looking at you!

Replogle is definitely outspoken and annoying. She doesn't make things easy on herself. For one, she likes to say things that piss other people off, such as calling the "thin blue line" flag flying in the park that Austin owns (yes, she owns a park) "a symbol of white supremacy."

Ooh, I bet Austin didn't like that backhanded remark about being a racist.

"Where'd Replogle say that?" you ask.

Why, Facebook, of course!

But don't worry. Replogle likes to say silly things like that at public meetings, too. At a California Coastal Commission meeting in June, Replogle spoke out against off-roading in the Oceano Dunes (which, let's be honest, is probably why half the people who hate her, hate her), saying that "Latinx" in the Oceano community don't benefit from off-roading activities.

Ooh boy! That pissed off the Latinos who do like to off-road at the park. I guess not all of the "disadvantaged community" members of Oceano who are "Latinx" agree with you, Replogle. Maybe—and this is just a suggestion—you should stop acting like you're speaking for all of them.

But anyhoo! That kind of speech is no reason to threaten violence against the woman! Comments such as, "Drop dead bitch," lobbed by Elvis Rocky Alvarez (yes, on Facebook) might be stepping over that line of civility just a skosh.

Austin, for her part, claims that those kinds of comments are "repulsive and disgusting," which is good. But, she isn't going to rest until Replogle is outta there!

Hey guys, can't we just get sandwiches from Mr. Pickles Sandwich Shop and handle this like adults?

That seems to be how the SLO Police Department handles its problems.

When it was dealing with those super non-violent protests and the ensuing fallout from tear-gassing and pepper-balling a bunch of young adults, they purchased $800 worth of sandwiches from Mr. Pickles to stress eat between June 2 and 13 while trying to figure out how to say, "Oops, but not oops."

They also spent almost $400 on pizza from Woodstock's and $250 for Mexican food from Pancho's. I think I'm in the wrong job. I could have had pizza, sandwiches (with pepper jack, people), and Mexican food if I worked for the SLOPD.

I guess cops don't really eat doughnuts?

Protests spanning May 31 to June 19 costs law enforcement more than $250,000 and drew more than 172 officers—the majority of whom probably didn't get one of those sweet sandos. But, I guess we'll get to see the videos when we get to see them. They're compiling them right now.

That footage better be more complete than the footage that the SLO County Sheriff's Office put up on Facebook of a recent press conference that conveniently left out all of the parts where Sheriff Ian Parkinson stuck his foot in his mouth about the Paso Robles shooter. Δ

The Shredder wants a side of adult with that sandwich. Send comments to [email protected].