Thank God you're in charge now 

Now that I know that you have the power, I can rest easy and not concern myself with all of the claims and lies being spread by the crooked media and the left wing radicals. If only my parents had beaten me when I misbehaved as a youth, as I’m sure yours did to you and you to your children. But I’m an adult now and lack those kinds of learning and growing experiences that are so dear to a patriot like you.

I know that the patriot Michael Flynn had to be sacrificed to protect his overlords, Commissar Bannon, Heir Miller, and our “so called” President, Puppet Trump.

I know that Vladimir is pulling the strings now and all in Trumpland must dance to his beat so he doesn’t expose them for the traitors that they are. Everyone knows that two-time loser Flynn just took it upon himself to call the Russian ambassador and tell him not to worry about the sanctions. No one in the transition team had to tell him what to do. Besides, he’s been a Russian ass licker for many years. After all, he proved his power when he went after all of the terrible Muslims that want to kill us. He must have beaten his son, Michael G., because he has shown himself to be a true chip off the old bigot’s block.

I’m so glad that I was able to learn about all of those massacres that the crooked media never reported on, like Bowling Green and Atlanta. And that travesty of finding out that there were 5 million illegal votes for Clinton only proves how rigged the system is. One thing that I can’t figure out though: Since Garry Johnson and Jill Stein got 7 million votes, doesn’t that mean that there must have been more than 10 million illegal votes? We know that Trump would have easily won the popular vote if it wasn’t for all of those deplorable migrants. Let’s look into this thing deeper, and I’m sure we’ll find those cheaters as well.

I also found out that it was the Obama administration’s fault that the raid in Yemen was such a huge failure. They were the ones that proposed it and then chickened out at the last minute. Thanks to Trump though, he was able to put his stump of approval on it between the appetizer and salad courses at a high level dinner. It turns out that dinner is the preferred venue for our fearless leader to conduct our nation’s foreign relations tragedies—as long as there’s an audience looking on to honor his greatness. We’ll show those nasty North Koreans that nothing comes between Trump and his escargot. I’m actually going to join Mar-a-Lago just so I can sit in on one of his dinner shows. The only problem is that before the election, the club dues were $100,000; now, they’re $200,000. But we can’t deny our Puppet Trump to make a fair profit on his new found notoriety.

As for Nordstrom, how dare it drop our First Princess’s line of clothing. And boo to Marshalls and T.J. Maxx for following suit. Don’t they know how many poor Chinese slave laborers won’t get their rice cakes when she shuts down her line? Bravo to Kellyanne Conway, the Wicked Witch of the West Wing, for standing tall for Ivanka and giving her a free plug from the White House. It’s a shame that she had to be “counseled” for such an important defense of Trump commerce.

As for the Muslim ban, besides the fact that he got bitch-slapped by four “so called” federal judges, it was Obama who started it, right? As a matter of fact, as the years go by, we will find out that every failure of our government in the future can be traced back to Obama, and every success (if there are any) will be in a direct response to his administration’s past failures. For Puppet Trump cannot fail, will not fail, or he will find a reason why someone else made him fail.

I am so looking forward to our new $21 billion wall. Even though our neighbor to the north welcomes most immigrants to their country and all of those radical killers could stream in through that very porous border, it is more important to stop all of those hard working Mexicans who do the work that most Americans won’t do.

I can go on and on about how nice it is that Mistress Betsy Devos bought the most expensive cabinet post in Washington for $200 million or how Jeff Sessions has proven he is not that same bigot and racist he was when he was denied a federal judgeship in the past. I’m so excited that Puppet Trump is sticking it to Wall Street as he promised by keeping his friends close and their money closer. And what a great addition to Housing and Urban Development that the good Doctor Ben Carson will be. Of course, he had to turn down the job at Health and Human Services because he didn’t have any real medical background. His real strength is that he was poor for a while, once upon a time, so he knows poverty and how to help folks just like him.

So, thank you Gary Wechter, for opening my eyes to the power and how easy it is to use and abuse a somewhat willing population. And as for you stinking paid protesters who go from place to place only to spread lies and make it harder for our white supremacist and neo-Nazi leaders to get closer to our real ally Russia, I say I hope that you like vodka and potatoes—lots of potatoes—because that’s all you’re gonna get pretty soon.

Larry Schiffer from Paso Robles had his say. Will you have your say, too? Write us a commentary (850 to 1,000 words) or a letter (250 words) and send it to [email protected].