Mammon 

Money ruins everything, even marijuana. Remember the good old days when weed was illegal? It seemed so simple then. Want some weed? Go to a weed dealer and buy some. Done and done.

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Then came the gray area of medical marijuana in 1996 with Prop. 215, and suddenly every pothead in California was conjuring up some faux affliction to justify getting a license and burning a legal blunt. Then in 2016, Prop. 64 legalized cannabis for adults 21 and older. The proverbial cat was out of the bag.

You know who hates Prop. 64? Pot growers! They saw the writing on the wall: government regulations up the yin yang, a corporate takeover of the industry, and deflated prices due to a glutted market.

Well, the chickens have come home to roost, and pot slingers and their investors are taking each other to court. Dudes! Chill out! Sample your product for Christ's sake! I bet investor William Szymczak and the pot corporation that took his money, Natural Healing Center LLC, were each hoping for a different outcome from their recent court encounter.

Szymczak alleged malfeasance on the part of Natural Healing Center bigwig Helios Dayspring and his Helios Management Group LLC (Sheesh! How many layers of limited liability corporations does one dude need?). Szymczak is suing Dayspring and hoped a judge would put a receiver in charge of the operation so Dayspring couldn't keep "malfeasing" with Szymczak's more than $15 million investment. The judge said, "Nope," which Szymczak didn't like, but the lawsuit will move forward, which Dayspring didn't like.

So what did Dayspring allegedly do? According to Szymczak, among other things, he caused "millions of dollars in waste and damage by planting seeds that resulted in crops that were essentially worthless for plaintiffs' legal business interests because the content of the psychoactive chemical, THC, was too high."

Too "high," eh? Hold my beer and pass that dutchie 'pon left hand side.

Szymczak invested this money in early 2018. Was he so out of the operations loop that it took him nearly three years to figure out something shady was going on? And what about all their big plans for SLO, Morro Bay, and Orcutt, which were supposed to get brick-and-mortar pot shops? And perhaps most importantly, should those city officials feel like idiots for giving one of their ultra-scarce permits to this company and its infighting millionaires? Stay tuned!

Meanwhile in Grover Beach, mayoral candidate Elizabeth Doukas—a court reporter for SLO Superior Court—is doing her best wackadoodle impression. She's got a bug up her butt about neighbors Holly and Cinnamon Lindroth, complaining their white paint is too bright and their porch light prevents her from seeing the stars, and worst of all, their outside staircase isn't up to code, even though the city inspector says it is.

Apparently, the Lindroths tried and failed to get a restraining order against Doukas, who has been charged with three misdemeanors, two for disturbing the peace with a loud noise and one for public nuisance, relating to a chirping noise that was allegedly designed to drive the Lindroths crazy! Doukas has been complaining about the staircase since 2012, even before the Lindroths bought the home. She's also run, and lost, City Council races in the past.

Where have all the grownups gone?

Speaking of which, have you slid down the new slides at Pismo Beach? Well, now you can't because they're closed due to injuries, at least temporarily. Apparently, the polished concrete slides, which were meant as a fun alternative to the adjoining staircase and zig-zagging ramp down to the beach, made for a very rough landing.

One of the injured, a young girl, allegedly experienced three days of headaches and whiplash after she faceplanted into the sand. KSBY broadcast the video, and it looked really fun ... until it didn't! The girl's mother, Kelli Sanders, said she bruised her tailbone when she attempted the slides. Also, directions are hard. At the top of the slides, it warns they were designed for 5- to 12-year-olds, but hey, a slide to the sand? Count me in, too, Kelli! Woo hoo!

I'm no engineer, but from the video, it looks to me like they need more sand at the bottom, which drops you onto some blue material followed by another 18-inch drop to the beach, which is the real problem. Looks like a sprained ankle waiting to happen, or a mouthful of sand at the very least. I remember the good old days when I was a little Shredder and the only thing you had to worry about on slides was that the shiny metal became so hot in the summer sun that it would immolate your bare legs.

Hey Pismo, here are some other ideas for your Pismo Beach Plaza project! Ejector seats to get you back up the stairs! Who wants to lug all that beach stuff up a set of stairs when you could sit down with your beach chair, towel, and umbrella, push a button, and be launched in the air and onto the parking lot above? How about a trebuchet for surfers so they don't have to paddle out through the surf and could be shot right into the lineup? I'm just spitballing here! Δ

The Shredder is a kid at heart. Tell it to grow up at [email protected].