Not it!

If there’s one thing everyone seems to agree on, it’s that they don’t want unhoused people who live out of their cars parked anywhere near them.

“Not in my backyard … or front yard or side street, or neighborhood, or town, or state, or country, or continent, or hemisphere, or planet. Get out of here, losers.”

Last September, San Luis Obispo announced its plans to make permanent its current safe parking program at Railroad Square, but after complaints from neighbors, nearby business owners, and their customers, the city agreed to close the site this Aug. 27 and begin a program of rotating safe parking to various locations, the first being Palm Street near the SLO Vets Hall on Grand Avenue.

Guess what happened next?

Yeah, a big “no, thanks,” from people living in that neighborhood. Apparently, homeless people shouldn’t be around other people’s homes because … look, I don’t really know why. Are the unhoused dangerous?

OK, according to past New Times reporting, those complaining about Railroad Square have noted parking nuisances, some alleged verbal harassment, and “human waste, trash, and drug paraphernalia.”

That’s obviously not cool, but if you don’t have access to a bathroom, a trash can, and the comforts of a home, you do your business where you must, right?

But I get it, Palm Street residents. You already have a bunch of drunk college kids stumbling around your neighborhood, barfing on your lawns, and peeing in your bushes, so why add homeless people into the mix? Once again, the powers that be have presented a misguided “solution” to an ongoing problem that just won’t go away.

The Palm Street area was supposed to begin its one- or two-month but not more than 120-day stint as the new location beginning on Oct. 1, but neighbors’ ire was enough to put the plan on hold, momentarily. After letters opposing the plan poured into City Hall, the SLO City Council agreed to defer the decision about the Palm Street location to the Planning Commission, who’ll discuss the plan in September, and after its decision is announced, angry residents will have 10 days to sharpen their pencils and stab commissioners, er, I mean file an appeal, unless the commission decides to put all of SLO’s homeless population on a rocket ship and hurl it into space, which might be the only place people won’t drop their NIMBY bombs.

If, on the other hand, the commission says, “Eff-you, Palm Street residents,” and if an inevitable appeal fails, car campers can begin parking at the new safe site on Oct. 1.

I’m no Cassandra, but if I was the prognosticating type, my guess is the Planning Commission will agree with Palm Street residents that their neighborhood is a bad fit, and a new location will be decided upon, and its neighbors will pour their vitriol into City Hall, and we can repeat this process until we find an actual solution to homelessness, like, for instance, putting people in homes.

About that idea, I can see into the future, and it ain’t gonna happen.

You know what else people don’t want in their neighborhoods? A gas station, car wash, and convenience store.

I know! You might think, “Hey, handy dino juice, smokes, and snacks would be bitchin,” but the Templeton Area Advisory Group (TAAG) thinks the proposed project, East Bennett Village, is wrong for Templeton.

First proposed in 2021, the project has been sent back to its developer Doug Filipponi for revision three times, and finally its current iteration has been approved. Only three of the five commissioners were in attendance at the Aug. 12 approval meeting, but two of the three—District 5’s Don Campbell and District 1’s Alex Villicana—said, “Cool-cool, Doug! Go for it.”

Chairperson and District 3’s Kristina Simpson-Spearman voted no, and I think the members of TAAG were wondering where District 4’s Mariam Shah and District 2’s Anne Wyatt were on Aug. 12, hm? Really coulda used ya in there, sisters.

TAAG already made its opposition known, so Templeton resident Joseph Jarboe set up a gofundme.com campaign and raised the requisite $850 to file an appeal, which is due Aug. 24, to stop the project from going forward.

I have to admit, as gas stations go, it does seem a tad excessive for its location within 500 feet of residential areas, even with its revisions.

Filipponi removed the plans for a fast-food restaurant and car wash, but he asked to increase the convenience store’s hours of operation to 24 hours a day, and he asked to increase the size of the store’s floor plan from 3,200 square feet to 5,200, and he wants to increase gas storage tanks from 20,000 gallons—the current SLO County code limit—to 40,000. He did agree to reduce the proposed signage for the business from 1,229 square feet to 802 square feet, which is only a bit more than three times the size normally allowed, down from more than five times he originally proposed.

I mean, come on, neighbors? What could go wrong? Tanker trucks filling up storage tanks at all hours, a huge glaring “East Bennett Village” sign lighting up the sky, people coming and going 24/7? It could be worse. There could be safe parking for homeless people there instead. Δ

The Shredder lives under an office desk, no homeless in sight. Comment at shredder@newtimesslo.com.

This article appears in Aug 24 – Sep 3, 2023.