The world’s all doom and gloom these days. With the midterm elections somewhat behind us (not really) and the days getting shorter, sometimes it’s best to curl up on the couch and judge the denizens of a quaint small town as their holiday woes play out on-screen.
Holiday movies are formulaic: They’re almost always set in a frigid ski town; most of the characters work at a failing but charming business like a bakery or a bed and breakfast; and the cast will include one famous celebrity and another actor who’ll make you ask, “Where have I seen them before?”
Want a bad movie so good, it’ll help that seasonal sadness a little? Check this list out.
Pumpkin Pie Wars (2016)
Who said holiday movies always had to be Christmas-centric? Fall is here for you thanks to Pumpkin Pie Wars, available on Peacock TV. Emeryville, Ohio, baking best buds Faye McArthy and Lydia Harper’s friendship ends in a spat at the annual pumpkin pie contest. Lydia is about to open a bakery with her dad’s help and wasn’t going to bring Faye along! Ten years later, the feud continues while both women run competing bakeries. Now, they have two grown kids of their own ready to carry on the pumpkin pie rivalry. But what happens when Faye’s daughter and Lydia’s son start falling for each other?
Baking puns, poor imitations of Martha Stewart, and easily solvable miscommunications, that’s what. It’s a fun flick to laugh at with a friend if you don’t want to think about Christmas until December.
Single All the Way (2021)
Michael Urie (of Ugly Betty fame) plays Peter, a single man in Los Angeles who’s been burned by the dating scene. After his plan to bring his boyfriend home for Christmas combusts, he drags along his best friend Nicholas to meet his New Hampshire family. Peter’s plot to make Nicholas his fake boyfriend backfires when his mom (Kathy Najimy) sets him up on a blind date. Will Peter finally find love? Will he realize true love is right in front of him? Switch on Netflix to find out!
Single All the Way still has all the tropes of a holiday movie but Urie, Najimy, and Jennifer Coolidge are a fun cast who make the watching experience more bearable. It’s also refreshing to see romantic pairs who aren’t your run-of-the-mill white, blond, bland duo.
Falling for Christmas (2022)
Lindsay Lohan is acting again and chose a holiday movie for her comeback! She plays Sierra Belmont, and the name alone should tell you she’s a spoiled, rich hotel heiress. Sierra and her snooty fiancé go skiing in a blizzard, and she falls off a cliff. She suffers memory loss, but don’t worry! Handsome and humble bed-and-breakfast owner Jake (Chord Overstreet of Glee fame) finds her unconscious, and she regains her memory while living with him. Turn to Netflix and guess what happens next in this predictable story.
Falling for Christmas banks on Lohan to make it a hit. There’s even a big Mean Girls reference in the movie. It might have worked. IndieWire wondered if the movie was “Lohan’s Citizen Kane.” That’s a bit of a stretch. But if you want more Lohan, Netflix is happy to provide. She’ll next be seen on Irish Wish—a St. Patrick’s Day-themed flick. I’m positively giddy.
Die Hard (1988)
Sick of the saccharine of other holiday movies? Temper it with 1980s grit.
I’m not even going to debate whether Die Hard is a holiday movie. I’ll just say you’re wrong if you don’t think it is. No holiday movie list is complete without Bruce Willis and gratuitous shots of his bare feet on glass!
NYPD officer John McClane (Willis) tries to save his wife and her colleagues who have been taken hostage by German terrorist Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) at a Christmas party in Los Angeles’ fictional Nakatomi Plaza. Strap in for two hours of yippee ki-yay glory. Δ
Staff Writer Bulbul Rajagopal can be reached at brajagopal@newtimesslo.com.
This article appears in Holiday Guide 2022.