Cover Story
Sizist spawn
From a poodle with a person problem, to bloodthirsty writers plotting their revenge against editors, to an unrepentant sinner presumably standing at heaven’s gate, New Times is celebrating the 25th anniversary of our annual 55 Fiction competition with wit, cynicism, whimsy, and style. In keeping with our tradition of paying tribute to the memory of…
What wisdom would you like to pass down to future generations?
Larry Blackburn retired contractor “It’s all about making the right choices. Listen to what your mother and father told you. They have wisdom because they love you.” Bonnie Reeves retired retailer “Vote Democrat.” Kurt Weir aircraft mechanic “Frank Zappa said it best, ‘One size fits all.’” Peter Noah artist “Get involved, ask questions, and quit…
A patriotic cure
If you’re reading this, you’ve survived our nation’s most patriotic holiday. There is, after all, no other holiday that combines explosives, booze, and passionate rally cries for ’Merica! quite like the 4th of July. Whether you’re reading this from a burn-ward on July 8 or from whatever Rite Aid you crawled into on July 5…
We have a right to pure water
Full freedom of our right to know and do no harm! This principle indwells in our gratitude to New Times. Thanks for opening dialogue about sacredness of water (“Eyes on water” by Kathy Johnston, June 21) and Jeannie Blackwell’s “All about water” (June 28) and addressing our inalienable right and Mother Earth’s to know what…
Feel the Heat!
What to say about the right Reverend Horton Heat? His publicist has called the good reverend the “biggest, baddest, grittiest, greasiest, greatest rocker that ever piled his hair up and pounded the drinks down.” That’s a start! Perhaps the greatest psychobilly artist of all time (or at least right up there with the Cramps), he’s…
Rally ’round the mural
I blame an irresistibly delicious plate of spaghetti for the fact that I was kind of slightly an hour late to the official opening of the “Tree Mural” at the ARTery in Atascadero. By the time I got there, the crowd was beginning to dwindle and disperse, but a dedicated few still hung around the…
Guerilla literature
Warning: The mysterious author of a very cute children’s book may soon be infiltrating your neighborhood. The Biggest Adventure in the Littlest World, a work of fiction by one M.K. Fowler, has been turning up in public places—neatly wrapped, smartly designed, and bearing the label “this is a free book.” The writer’s motivation for freely…
‘You forfeit my malevolence forever!’
Somehow, PCPA’s current staging of The Rivals, Richard Brinsely Sheridan’s 1775 comedy of manners, has a distinctly contemporary feel to it. On the one hand, the play, set in Bath, England, is the definition of a period piece, a fact underscored by PCPA’s resplendent costuming and simple yet ingenious set design. The play’s language sounds…
Where giants have tread
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart composed more than 600 works in his lifetime, his first when he was 5 years old. And of the scores of operas, concertos, and symphonies he composed, many are considered to be the greatest breakthroughs of their genre. His audiences—European royalty, common folk, and everyone in between—adored him. His talent was celestial,…
Clayhouse 2011 Adobe Pink Central Coast
I’ve found this pink consistently delicious each vintage. This vintage, the blend is Mourvedre, Grenache Noir, and Syrah. It offers tasty ripe flavors of cranberry, raspberry, and strawberry with the perfect degree of acidity to keep it crisp and only .4 residual sugar. An excellent quaffer and a good choice for the table, I enjoy…
Margerum 2011 Sauvignon Blanc Sybarite Happy Canyon
This classic white is impressively elegant. Pretty yet subtle, it offers sophisticated flavors of grapefruit and lime highlighted with mineral notes. You can enjoy this as an aperitif or pair this versatile wine with an array of foods. I like Sauvignon Blanc with slightly spicy Asian or Mexican dishes much more than beer. It’s a…
A Fenomenal experience
Upon first hearing the name Fenomenal, one of the newest restaurants in Paso Robles, I laughed. I told friends that name was pretty ballsy, adding that the problem with it is that people expect you to live up to it. After a wonderful dining experience there due to an enthusiastic endorsement from Paso winemaker Augie…
F U Founding Fathers
Ah, the sweet scent of freedom on a hot summer afternoon. Smells a lot like armpit juice. Mixed with blathering windbags who, despite owning a computer, have not yet mastered the art of spell check. I know it’s difficult, when every word that has ever existed is just a Google search away, but try, for…
Questions For: Shawn Kidwell
NEW TIMES What does it take to be a security guard? KIDWELL You’ve got to go through a lot of background checks—Life Scan, FBI, DOJ. You can’t even have any misdemeanors or outstanding tickets on your record. No fines over $400. NEW TIMES Other than watching the parking lot, are there any daily duties…
Ray of light, Ray of darkness
Man is in love/ And loves what vanishes —Keats I had two chances to meet Ray Bradbury; when I was living in L.A. the elderly author made two public appearances, and I allowed circumstances to make me miss both. It was not that I was fooling myself, exactly—Bradbury was quite old, and I knew I…
I’m working to save the oceans!
The ocean is hurting, but a broad spectrum of folks is fighting back. The hope is that by declaring a series of Marine Protected Areas, we can bring it back from the brink. And now it’s showtime. The Morro Bay Harbor Department wants to bring an old silted-in boat marina back to life in Morro…
Maybe he did it to be sneaky
In determining the mandate is a tax, Chief Justice Roberts may have sided with the Court’s liberals—by exercising political discretion—to serve the Conservatives’ possible objective of throwing Obamacare back to the Congress and the political process for resolution, thereby avoiding the Court’s involvement and controversy evident in Gore v. Bush.
These Republicans are anti-intelligence
With the affirming by majority Supreme Court decision of Obamacare, the predictable exploding Republican heads were almost deafening! Real Americans only need remind themselves that it has been the sick Republican party that has been on the wrong side of every issue of concern to ordinary Americans since the New Deal. Social Security, the Vietnam…
Ashley Schwellenbach takes on the Lamb of God
We are dependent on Rose Hawthorne Lathrop’s transcription of Herman Melville’s 17 November 1851 letter, but this daughter of Hawthorne’s knew a Biblical reference when she saw one. Melville, after writing Moby-Dick (a wicked book, he said), and after reading Hawthorne’s letter praising it, felt as ”spotless as the lamb”—as spotless as Jesus, the Lamb…
Yoga benefits veterans
The therapeutic benefits of yoga for soldiers experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder have been researched, recognized, and implemented by the U.S. Department of Defense, though perhaps not locally, yet. Yoga has been clinically proven to help veterans cope with stress, anxiety and depression, anger, aggression and insomnia, brain injury, and emotional reactivity in multiple studies, including…
Great job, Nick Powell
Kudos for the best piece of journalism that SLO County has seen in a long time. “The will to kill” (June 28) is excellently written, with every paragraph crucial and insightful to the story it tells. Most of all, it is objective, with no hint of judgment against our country and the soldiers that fight…
Stop the badgering: Not all murals are signs
It’s time for Atascadero to stop bullying local businesses for decorating their walls with murals. Two and a half years ago, the city threatened K-Man Cycle & Run with hundreds of dollars in fees and fines per day for its mural. Now, it’s threatening a downtown art-supply store, The ARTery, demanding it paint over its…
I love the mural; lighten up, Atascadero
An article in your previous issue told a story about an art gallery in Atascadero, which painted a mural on the side of its building, thus making the city council mad (“Vibrant mural irks Atascadero,” June 28). I drove to Atascadero to look at the mural, and I loved it. I find it more than…
Seriously, who doesn’t like beauty?
I cannot believe that a few grumpy people would object to that creative and beautiful mural on the side of the ARTery in Atascadero (“Vibrant mural irks Atascadero,” June 28). The Planning Commission should be ashamed of themselves for wanting it removed. Who are these people that do not want beauty in the world for…
Cougars & Mustangs
It’s a beautiful summer day outside, perfect for hiking and … *click* Officials reported finding nothing of interest inside the whale … *click* Last week, on “Cougars & Mustangs,” we showed you how to play mind games with the mafia by making concrete actually float. This week, we forgo the canoes for something more ……
Cool it, sandwiches!
I wish they made candy-coated adjectives. It’s hard to articulate the way certain foods make us feel. Like ice cream. I mean, seriously, aside from the lactose intolerant, who doesn’t like ice cream? And by the way, they make lactose intolerant-friendly ice cream. I know because I’ve eaten it. But I digress. The point I’m…
Tip of the iceberg
Succulent crunchiness is the first thing you notice when you bite into a leaf of a new type of lettuce that’s just come on the market. Juicy, crispy, and surprisingly sweet, it’s a greener and healthier version of iceberg—and it was invented and patented in SLO County. At the end of a street in a…
Park it!
As of this printing, San Luis Obispo’s safe parking program is about two weeks into its six-month testing period. And so far, everything is going as expected, which is to say everything’s going quite well. “There’s no more red and blue lights waking us up at 4 a.m.,” Susan Perez said from the bedroom of…
Dump expansion delayed
Members of the San Luis Obispo County Planning Commission decided to hold off on a final decision regarding a proposal to expand the Cold Canyon Landfill. Located a few miles south of the city of SLO, the landfill has been in operation since 1965. Despite modifications to permits allowing the landfill to receive and process…
Cuesta puts ex-accreditation official on leave
Dr. Cathleen Greiner is no longer the vice president for academic affairs at Cuesta College. She was ousted from the position June 26, when the Board of Trustees, acting on President Gil Stork’s direction, declared that she had “underperformed” in her duties. The board placed Greiner on paid administrative leave through Sept. 24. Under the…
Pismo panned over public prayers
Citing the constitutional separation of church and state, a local group has challenged the Pismo Beach City Council for allowing a religious invocation prior to the start of each meeting. For years, the city has supported the practice of allowing a local pastor to speak at the podium, asking the audience to bow their heads…
Tased suspect smells like money?
The Morro Bay police officers involved in the macing and repeated tasing of a suspect say they were provoked. Several witnesses told New Times they saw Brian Lopez Martinez abused by authorities because he refused to talk to police outside of a bar he was patronizing on June 8. An incident report filed with San…
Judge rebuffs SLO City on parking enforcement
A San Luis Obispo Superior Court judge has ordered the City of San Luis Obispo to immediately cease enforcing an ordinance that prohibits people from living out of their vehicles. On June 3, Judge Charles S. Crandall issued a tentative ruling in the civil case brought against the city by a group known as the…
Abandoned homeless provisions cleaned from creek
A team of roughly 30 coworkers dressed in bright green shirts swarmed San Luis Obispo Creek for a community cleaning day/teambuilding exercise on June 29. They removed hundreds of pounds of garbage, old mattresses, tires, barbecues, and a dirty but fairly new MacBook that police said was listed as stolen. One of the workers told…
