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HARVEST HOUNDS : Doce Robles Winery owners Maribeth and Jimmy Jacobsen are justifiably famous for their sumptuous red varietals, and their lovable constant companions. Credit: PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER
If you’re looking for a great party to celebrate the Fourth of July weekend, I know a bargain-priced winemakers’ dinner you won’t want to miss. Life on the Central Coast means there’s at least one wine celebration, festival, or barbecue going on every weekend along our wine trails. Most of the time there are several parties to choose from, much to the delight of wine lovers. But few wine producing regions can boast a party like the Highway 46 West Neighborhood Block Party that includes 16 wineries along Hwy. 46 West in Paso Robles.
They’re offering a gourmet barbecue dinner by the talented chef, Ryan Swarthout of Eagle Castle; live rock-and-roll by the local band, Stagefright; and an array of good wines from each of the 16 winery members in this group, plus a souvenir 46 West wineglass, all included at the ridiculously low tab of $25 per person. The member wineries include: Berardo Vineyards (formerly AJB), Castoro Cellars, Croad Vineyards, Doce Robles Winery, Donati Family Vineyard, Donatoni Winery (formerly Mastantuono), Eagle Castle, Fratelli Perata, Grey Wolf, Hunt Cellars, Midnight Cellars, Peachy Canyon, Rocky Creek Cellars, Rotta Winery, Veris Cellars (formerly JanKris), and Windward Vineyard. And with this list of wineries, you’ll find just about every varietal grown in Paso Robles, from Viognier and Chardonnay to Pinot Noir and Zinfandel.
Q&A WITH LISA LAMPANELLI: NEW TIMES How do you get a job where you’re encouraged to curse like a sailor?
LISA LAMPANELLI Learn to say the c-word but in a very nice and loving fashion and to call gays faggots and have them still like you. I’m telling you it works. I’ve had people come up to me and say how come you can call me the c-word and when other women call me a bitch I’ll punch her out but with you I’ll hug you and I’m like ‘cause I’m loveable, cause I’m the freaking nicest person you ever met.’
NEW TIMES How come you’re one of the few female comics at roasts?
LAMPANELLI I don’t think any women comics other than me say ‘I want to dedicate my life to roasting and being an insult comic’ so when other comics do it, it’s great. If Sarah Silverman does one it’s really funny. But the reason I do it consistently is that’s what I do every day in my career. I’m an insult comic so basically the roast format lends itself well to what I do.
NEW TIMES Is that where you started out in your career?
LAMPANELLI No, they always say you never end up where you started. I think I had a decent personality but I didn’t know what to talk about yet. No comic really knows, like Roseanne didn’t go onstage and say ‘hey, you know what, I’m starting comedy today and I’m going to be this domestic goddess.’ It’s just something that develops and you feel works for you and you notice that you have fun doing it. People are laughing and you go ‘wow, I’m actually liking the angle I’m taking.’ It took about seven years for it to develop and you couldn’t stop the flow of words, just couldn’t stop the corn-holer and the ass-pirate, chink, all of it.
NEW TIMES How’d you come to be known as The Queen of Mean?
LAMPANELLI I say that the New York Times said that but in my book I talk about how I actually just planted it in the New York Times. They were interviewing me and it was really, really early on in my career. I said ‘well, they call me comedy’s loveable Queen of Mean’ and they printed it so I’m like ‘oh, the New York Times called me that’ but I put it there because I wanted to have it in print.
NEW TIMES Anything you won’t joke about?
LAMPANELLI No. I thought for a while ‘oh my god I’ll never say spic. I’ll never say the n-word. I’ll never say the c-word.’ And then you just get better and better at what you do and then you can pull it off. The funnier you get the more chances you can take. Whereas earlier in my career I didn’t really have the mastery to pull off the n-word, now I have mastered it with much aplomb.
NEW TIMES How has the industry changed since you came on board?
LAMPANELLI You know, I don’t know. Cause all I do is worry about myself. I never tried to force myself into things that didn’t want me so if a certain club gave me resistance I just moved on. If a theater didn’t like me I was just like ‘okay, there’s plenty more.’ Not to say you don’t get upset when you don’t get what you want but I haven’t noticed that much of a change. I didn’t start until the 1990s so I missed all the high times of comedy where there were comedy clubs on every corner, where it was like Starbucks and everybody could work. In my experience, everything’s gotten maybe a little better because there’s more cable channels where you can get noticed but for me the only thing that’s changed is I got more popular.
NEW TIMES Any preference in terms of the type of venue you perform to?
LAMPANELLI Yeah, the bigger the more money you get. Come on, it’s all about money. If Twisted Sister is saying ‘we like to play the intimate venues,’ why don’t they just kill themselves cause they’re lying. Everyone likes big venues cause it’s big money. George Lopez would play arenas with like 11,000 people. I mean, holy crap. Do you know how much friggen money he makes? I’m not gonna lie and go ‘oh, I’d much rather play a nice intimate club of 200 people.’ Fuck the 200 people. I prefer big places with huge budgets. That’s it. And, of course, I prefer gays, blacks, Hispanics, and a few whiteys to be in the audience so I have people to make fun of.
NEW TIMES What did your family think when you went into comedy?
LAMPANELLI I think they’d given up at that point anyway because I was the rebel of the family and didn’t follow any clear path. I don’t even remember telling them. I think my mother always got a kick out of it in a way because she’s really a loud-mouthed Italian who loves to curse. She says racist things that are hilarious that I put in my act and take credit for so she got off a little bit. Now they’re thrilled to death because I make enough money to put them in the nursing home with the private room instead of the one where they’re with five other old decrepit assholes who are dying. I think my parents are very happy with my career ever since I started making some dough. Also, once you do enough TV, the Tonight Show legitimizes you as a comic. Once I did the Tonight Show it was almost like my parents were like now you really are legitimate and they started taking me seriously.
NEW TIMES You were raised Catholic; do you ever feel guilty about the things you say?
LAMPANELLI I have to say something really effed up for me to think ‘oh my god, I shouldn’t have said that.’ But I also know how to edit myself. I know if someone in the audience looks like they’re insecure so I don’t fuck with them because it’s not my job to make them have a miserable night. After 20 years you’d better know who you can pick on and who you can’t.
NEW TIMES What advice do you have for would-be comedians?
LAMPANELLI You know what advice I give them? I say quit now because you are not funny. Chances are you don’t have what it takes cause it takes, first of all, to be really naturally funny, likeable, decent writing or enough money to hire good writers, a work ethic like you would not freaking believe because you’re self-employed and you have to work 16 hours a day. So I usually say quit now, save yourself some trouble, move in with your parents, do what you’re really supposed to do, be a hooker, I don’t care…but don’t do comedy.
NEW TIMES I’ve read that you make jokes about Oprah. I didn’t even know that was allowed.
LAMPANELLI What’s she gonna do for my career, really? She’d never have me on the show cause she is very politically correct. We read a lot of the same books and we have a lot of the same ways of thinking, I just don’t like how she treats guests different based on their level of fame. If Halle Berry said ‘my husband cheated on me, he’s a sex addict,’ Oprah would look at her sympathetically and want to cry. If I went in there, or Jo Blow off the street, ‘my husband is a sex addict, he cheated on me,’ well, ‘why didn’t you get out? Girl, you saw the signs.’ She goes black on us.
NEW TIMES In 2009 you published a memoir, Chocolate Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks. Was your writing process like your process for developing new material?
LAMPANELLI No, it was completely different because I write on stage talking out loud. With this stupid book you have to sit there at the computer and make it work. It sucked. I hated it. I hope I never have to do it again.
NEW TIMES How do you credit your positive relationship with the gay community?
LAMPANELLI I was doing this book signing at this gay bookstore in Atlanta and I asked them, I said ‘why do you think faggots like me.’ I said ‘is it because you sense that I, like you, didn’t fit in anywhere and sort of felt cut off from other people and felt that I’m weird compared to the rest of the world, cause that’s how I always felt. Is it because I have that likeability underneath that gays have that bitchy side but don’t really mean it too.’ I said ‘do you think that’s why you like me.’ And one of the gays just goes ‘nope, we just like mean people.’ So, wow, I thought it was some big philosophical reason. It turns out, gays just like mean people. So you know what? I’ll go with the gays.
NEW TIMES What would be more difficult to give up, cursing or sex?
LAMPANELLI Cursing. I can’t give that up. Sex I’m like whatever, I’m 48, are we done yet?
Now in their 13th year in Paso Robles, Doce Robles’ owners, Jimmy and Maribeth Jacobsen, specialize in the region’s big red wines. During this event they’ll introduce their newest wines: Vermentino, Tempranillo, and the Sunset Red, the latter a blend of Barbera, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Syrah. “I call it our hodgepodge wine, it’s all grown in our 40-acre estate vineyard,” she explained. “Jimmy’s a third generation grape grower and he always says, good winemaking starts in the vineyard. He makes our wines but my husband thinks of himself as a farmer first.”
The Jacobsens don’t grow grapes for white wines because they think their site is too hot. That’s why they buy the Vermentino from another grower with a cooler site. “A lot of people remember us, too, because of our friendly German Shepherds,” she laughed, “Even if they can’t remember our name. Now, we have six seven-week-old puppies following their mother around the winery.”
NEVER COOK BACON NAKED! BY CHEF DALLAS HOLT: If you’re a fan of the Tenth Street Basque Cafe in San Miguel, you’ll love the cookbook by owner and chef Dallas Holt. His book offers much more than tasty recipes. This tome to good eating also offers sound advice you mother never taught you, hence the risqué title. It starts, sagely, with kitchen basics about knives, then pots and pans, and descriptions of ingredients and techniques. There are 100 recipes, most with chef’s notes on substitutions and advice on experimenting with seasonal ingredients. Of course, it includes many traditional Basque recipes.
Holt has some Basque heritage, but explains in the introduction that a sheepherder suggested the idea of this restaurant while enjoying a glass of wine with him. Holt started by offering the family-style meals monthly, but they were so popular, in no time at all the meals were focused entirely on Basque dinners. There is no menu, the meals are strictly “chef’s choice” with one seating for dinner, limited to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings. Reservations are recommended for the chef’s prixe fixe dinner, $24.95 per person. No credit cards are accepted; cash or check only. For all of the details about their family-style dining, or to buy the cookbook ($19.95), go to tenthstreetbasquecafe.com. “We pride ourselves on creating and cooking with inexpensive, simple things in an excellent manner and ending up with a divine dish. It is our intent to make this cookbook user friendly so you can make some of our most requested recipes at home,” Holt explained. It’s a great read with many easy-to-prepare dishes you’ll want to enjoy often. Credit: PHOTO COURTESY OF ANDY MCKEE
For the event, Chef Swarthout’s block-party menu includes beef and chicken skewers, mixed green salad, rice pilaf, Cuban black beans, and rolls. Swarthout earned fame on the Central Coast when he became the chef at Deborah’s Room at Justin Vineyards. Now, he’s the executive chef at Eagle Castle Winery on Hwy. 46 West. Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, from 11:30 to 3:30 p.m. he prepares food-and-wine pairings in the winery’s Crown Room, which is open to all tasting-room visitors. The current menu at the Crown Room features such delicacies as: King crab cakes with an Asian papaya slaw, paired with Eagle Castle 2007 Chardonnay; wild-mushroom risotto with garlic, thyme and crispy shallots, paired with Eagle Castle 2004 Merlot; or, during Sunday brunch, quiche Lorraine with mixed green salad dressed in roasted-shallot vinaigrette, paired with 2007 Eagle Castle Viognier. All of the food and wine pairings are reasonably priced. Find out what Swarthout is cooking each week by visiting their website eaglecastlewinery.com.
Last February the Hwy. 46 West block party was held at Eagle Castle. This popular block party, held three times annually, always takes place at one of the 16 member wineries. This year at Doce Robles, extra parking will be available at Eagle Castle Winery. A free shuttle provided by The Wine Line will escort guests between the two wineries. For more information, visit docerobles.com or call 227-4766.
Maribeth Jacobsen said it’s best to order tickets ($25 each) in advance through brownpapertickets.com. If any tickets are available the day of the event, they will cost $30 at the gate. Note, the event usually sells out. Dessert will be prepared by Jacobsen who’s baking her “famous” and very popular triple chocolate brownies, which she says are delicious with Doce Robles red wines. “The wineries really pull together for this event. We created it to introduce people to the little mom-and-pop wineries on the west side.”
You can reach New Times’ Cuisine columnist at khardesty@newtimesslo.com
