Jungle rumble

I swore off talking anymore about the governor’s race, but then it came to town! 

Billionaire Democratic candidate Tom Steyer graced us with his presence, as did Republican mouthpiece and Brit Steve Hilton, in the final countdown to the June 2 jungle primary that will determine the future roadmap for the second- or third-most expensive state to live in. 

Both pitched affordability and an understanding of the everyman—that’s you and me. 

I’m not sure that someone who loaned themselves an earth-shattering $192 million to run for governor will ever have a grasp on what normal people experience, but I’ll go ahead and let Steyer speak for himself: 

“I worked as a cowboy. I worked picking fruit. I think I qualified as a migrant farmworker, as a matter of fact,” he said during his little visit to SLOTown. “I’m very aware of how hard those people work.”

Interesting choice. Does the man who made his money on Wall Street investing in America’s finest industries—you know, like coal and private prisons—get to say that he qualifies as a migrant farmworker because one of the properties he owns is an 1,800-acre experimental cattle ranch?

The guy grew up in New York City, graduated first from Yale, then from Stanford, founded an investment firm, and then turned into a climate activist. Bent over in a strawberry field, filling boxes for dollars in the hot sun and dusty wind has never been on his bingo card. 

Fun fact: He was the first billionaire to ever challenge this great nation’s first billionaire president for office (that was in 2020). How great is that? 

We could have a billionaire in the Oval Office and a billionaire in Sacramento. Sounds like every man, woman, and child would be taken care of if these two rich dudes simply spread their wealth around! 

At the “Califordable Town Hall” at Cal Poly, Hilton proposed reducing this state’s expensive gasoline to $3 a gallon. Does he have an in with Iran that Donald Trump doesn’t? And he’s ready to executive-action this state’s government into obedience because the Legislature takes too long. 

Sounds like a collision course with recent national history. If you’re ready for the last almost two years of national chaos to descend on California, Hilton’s your guy. 

Steyer called out his chief opponent for Democratic votes, Xavier Becerra, for taking big money from shady corporations like Chevron and Meta—which is easy to say when you’re worth $1.6 billion-plus, amirite? 

Did Becerra take $1 million from Meta, which changes teams whenever it suits the company’s bottom line? Um, not exactly. It’s more complicated than that, thanks to a ridiculous Supreme Court decision from years ago and the stupid convoluted laws that govern campaign donations, expenditures, and political action committees (PACs). 

Meta donated $950,000 to an independent expenditure committee that had ties to the now-disgraced political hotshots who stole campaign funds from Becerra. Called “Working Families for Healthy Communities Supporting Becerra for Governor 2026,” the committee isn’t allowed to work directly with Becerra. It is allowed, however, to independently fundraise an unlimited amount of money and campaign on the candidate’s behalf. 

Hence, the million-dollar donation, which wouldn’t be allowed to go directly into Becerra’s campaign coffers. So, you tell me. Did Becerra accept the money? 

It’s hard to say. But Becerra’s campaign did accept $36,000 from Big Oil behemoth Chevron, which also donated $500,000 to another PAC that supports the former U.S. Health and Human Services secretary. 

What did Becerra have to say about the oil-greased greenbacks?

“Chevron, that’s the problem with politics. They’re not the bad guy. Does everybody here drive an electric vehicle? You need Chevron. I need Chevron. My people of the state of California need Chevron … Chevron wants to give me a check, that’s—that’s their prerogative,” according to LAist. 

How candid. In a state that’s trying its damndest to get off fossil fuels, we’re on the struggle bus. The “greenest” state in the nation also guzzles the second most gasoline in the nation, behind the oil-loving Lone Star State—our frenemy!

The Golden State is in a pickle of its own making, moving too quickly in the direction of unhooking fossil fuel before its 39.5 million people have also made the switch. California’s in the between times, something Gov. Gavin Newsom realized about halfway through his tenure, much to the chagrin of environmentalists everywhere. So, how we segue through this period of needing fossil fuel while we attempt to wean ourselves off of it and try not to price every non-rich man, woman, and child into poverty in the process is going to be a tough road to pave. 

But still, Big Oil bad—like really bad, amirite? 

Shame on Becerra. 

It’s looking like the options are not great. Which of the less bad bads will you choose? Steyer claims the race is really between himself, Hilton, and Becerra. But there’s also a big, dumb sheriff lurking around in the background. You know the guy: Chad Bianco. Oh, plus six other “viable” Democratic candidates and enough other people to fill a whole page of the primary ballot.

We’re in the weeds, folks. By this time next week, hopefully, we’ll finally see our way through the jungle. ∆

The Shredder likes things hot and uncomfortably humid. Send a fan to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

This article appears in Summer Guide 2026.