I love SLO Town summers. The city just feels calmer. It’s easier to find parking, traffic’s generally tolerable, and store checkout lines aren’t ridiculous. Hey, don’t get me wrong. College students are great—they add vibrancy, and the economic benefits of having the little rascals around are undeniable. But let’s be honest, college kids can be annoying AF.
I know, I know. They’re a big part of our community. But do you know how big? Clutch your pearls because the student percentage of the San Luis Obispo population is now 45.5 percent! Yeah, they make up almost half the town. In the last 20 years, the city has grown from 44,380 residents to 50,612—a 14 percent increase. During that same period, Cal Poly‘s enrollment grew from 18,278 to 23,016 students—a 26 percent increase, according to a recent San Luis Obispo County grand jury report.
With this increase in students has come an increase in complaints about students, mostly complaints about partying, often tied to the Greek system. As Dean Wormer famously intoned in Animal House, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” It can, however, be a fun way to go through college, amirite? Par-tay!
Anywho, the exciting news is the grand jury report titled “Round & Round with Town & Gown” is here to answer burning questions about how authorities are dealing with friction between students and permanent residents. For instance, how did last year’s “do no harm” approach to St. Fratty’s Day work in comparison to this year’s to “do not come, the party is over” messaging? The answer is: pretty good, but beyond that, the report makes is clear that both Cal Poly and the city could work a little harder at keeping permanent residents happy.
The WTF-takeaways from the report come down to six main issues.
One, the grand jury said two senior police officials were unwilling to be interviewed and hampered its investigation into the handling of student parties such as St. Fratty’s Day. The city claims it was very cooperative.
“The reason for these denials remains inadequate and may stem from a misunderstanding of the role of the [grand jury] in improving governmental functions within this county,” the report read.
Bad, po-po. Bad!
Two, when Cal Poly and the city created a task force to study the St. Fratty’s Day mayhem, they invite everybody except the residential neighbors who were actually affected by the street party.
“No representatives from the surrounding neighborhoods were invited,” according to the report.
Three, and this will be news to no one who lives near a houseful of students, the city’s noise ordinance isn’t effective at stopping noisy parties. The grand jury looked at noise citations issued during the 2023-24 school year.
“Noise citations in neighborhoods near the campus were issued an average of more than three times per week during the school session. This totaled 139 citations in the Alta Vista neighborhood, with one house alone receiving 17 citations. Unfortunately, there is reason to believe that this situation remains—to this date—unabated. Such is the irritation of area residents, that many have fled the area.”
Fled!
Four, Cal Poly stopped helping the city in rooting out illegal fraternities, citing “privacy concerns,” which has led to an enforcement approach that “is not conducive to a real-time solution.”
Five comes under a section humorously titled, “Is SLO City in the Twilight Zone about zoning issues?” Ha ha! Who says grand jury reports have to be boring? The city didn’t enforce conditional use permits (CUPs) for sanctioned fraternities in certain residential zones, leading to neighborhood disturbances.
Six, charging citizens exorbitant fees to request a CUP be reviewed and revoked (the current cost is $2,583.46 up from $281 in 2017) “disproportionately impacts ordinary citizens” … and the fees “hinder equitable participation in local decision-making processes.”
As I read it, the grand jury report card on the city and Cal Poly is a solid D, with the SLOPD getting an F for its participation grade. Now, we wait for a response.
The city, though, apparently responded before the report was released and none of the “clarifications” were included. Legally speaking, while entities except for Cal Poly are required to respond within 90 days, the report’s findings aren’t all that binding.
Dear permanent residents, enjoy summer, because fall is coming.
Speaking of Cal Poly and its president, Jeffrey Armstrong, the university’s swimming and diving teams are 86’d because they didn’t raise the $15 million Armstrong demanded they raise during their … bake sale or whatever.
“While I appreciate the significant annual support and revocable bequests that have been identified, the fundraising effort has fallen well short of the goal to reinstate the program. As a result, the university is unable to reinstate the swimming and diving programs,” Armstrong announced.
The teams only raised $9 million, so they’re out. Sort of. Apparently, if they come up with another $6 million, Armstrong says the program could be reinstated. What important “learn by doing” lesson is this? How to jerk around a sports program? Δ
The Shredder’s sorority nickname was “Crankygears.” Tell it yours at shredder@newtimesslo.com.
This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 6, 2025.
Crankygears,
We don’t need no stinkin educated people in the US, let’s follow ‘Dear Leader’ and wipe out those loser commie Chineeeeeze and ArAbs and that place where the AfriKaners come from, those ones where the farmers are being killed by the thousands?
We need to understand ‘Dear Leader’ knows what’s best for US and our universities, he’s a “genius” and the one whose always right, just ask him
I think we should just turn the Poly place into a bitcoin mine and have the students “rebrand” the Chineeeeze” phones ‘Dear Leader’ and his family are selling for $500 (and $47.45 a month) into “AmericKan” made phones.
What we need in AmeriKa is more people who want to grift with the best of them