Just when I think that politics can’t make the day any worse, they do. The headlines are audacious, the Trump administration is a daily massacre, and California politics stink!
Who are our options for California governor?
We’ve got Republicans—Riverside County Sheriff Chad “I’m the Trump of California” Bianco and Trump’s personal pick, TV personality Steve “I’m also Trumpy” Hilton. Liberals in the state are very concerned that these two yayhoos might get higher percentages of votes than any of the six leading Democrats on the ballot and move onto the general election via the state’s top-two primary rule.
Rallying behind a single candidate would be too easy, of course. There’s a contingent of folks who are hoping they can wait to cast their votes at the very last possible minute. By tracking the initial vote-by-mail counts to see which Dem is starting to reign supreme, these folks plan to strategically throw their last-minute blue might behind that person.
What a great way to pick a governor!
Seems like it might not work?
The initial Democratic front-runner who separated from the pack was Eric Swalwell. About a month ago, he resigned from both the race and his seat in the U.S. House of Representatives after multiple women accused the guy of sexual assault. He faces separate criminal investigations into rape accusations in LA and Manhattan. Of course, he’s denied everything. But his political career is over, nonetheless.
The recent allegations weren’t the first. His treatment of women was part of that whole political career. It came up a lot, apparently, and guess what? No one did a damn thing about it until he ran for governor.
Now, there are calls to make House ethics investigations better … blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard this story before. All the people in the Epstein files aren’t the only ones who women are concerned about. Maybe Congress should stop pointing fingers and take a long, hard look at itself. Just a thought.
Swalwell’s well-earned downfall gave Xavier Becerra a chance.
The former state attorney general and congressman and U.S. Health and Human Services secretary under Joe Biden is pushing toward the top of the candidates list. He’s polling at 19 percent, according to an Emerson College poll. That’s more than Hilton, who’s at 17 percent, and Bianco, who’s at 11 percent.
Thank God that Bianco the ballot stealer is below Hilton. What a weird thing to be happy about.
Guess what? There’s also a scandal that’s close to Becerra but supposedly doesn’t involve him. Come on!
His longtime advisor Sean McCluskie apparently stole more than $200,000 from Becerra’s campaign account—right out from under the dude’s nose. And other Dem governor hopefuls are using it against Becerra: Is he a dumb-dumb or is he in on it?
McCluskie wasn’t the only guy caught up in the fraud scheme. Gov. Gavin Newsom’s former chief of staff Dana Williamson is also accused of funneling campaign funds into her pockets and those of her friends.
Can we really not do better than this?
None of it is a good look! We’re supposed to be the good guys, not the corrupt conservatives. The Dem who’s polling at 17 percent, just like Humpty-Trumpty Hilton, is Tom Steyer, a billionaire whose well-funded campaign is everywhere you look.
I thought this state hates billionaires? His big plan is to lower costs for Californians.
Great!
“Lower costs” was precisely what Trump campaigned on and why all the minions voted his dumb ass back into office. Look at where we are now: In a war with costs on the rise and drunk cabinet members taking up headlines. But, hey, his stamp will be on every building in Washington, D.C., in new passports, and on dollar bills. We might even get a Trump coin out of the deal!
That way we can never, ever forget him.
Slow clap to all the Trump voters out there. The emperor is actually wearing your clothes.
Steyer is actually pitching policies that would cut into his own bottom line, unlike our esteemed president.
Meanwhile, Trump is actually convincing offshore wind companies that have already paid the government for their leases to back out of their deals. And his administration is giving them less money back than these companies paid in. The art of the deal, amirite?
Golden State Wind, which had leases off the coast of Morro Bay, is getting about $120 million in lease fees back (it paid about $150 million). But only if the company invests an equal amount in oil and gas assets, infrastructure, or projects along the Gulf Coast.
“I’m outraged by this backwards decision,” U.S. Rep. Salud Carbajal said.
Oh good. I’m sure the Trump administration is shaking in its boots. Maybe Julie Tacker and the Tacker Backers need to walk into the White House. Maybe then, the “Tacker effect” could extend beyond the boundaries of SLO County.
The people who claim to be against the industrialization of our ocean, the ones who are cheering that Golden State took this agreement, must be OK with offshore oil and gas development. How can REACT Alliance celebrate this agreement and still claim to be an environmental advocate?
It can’t. But it’s trying, claiming to be a “single-issue” organization.
Um, maybe whales are cool with oil platforms, but not floating wind turbines? ∆
The Shredder is floating above the fray. Send an anchor to shredder@newtimesslo.com.
This article appears in May 14-21, 2026.