Respiratory droplets. They’re the little globs of moisture our mouths and noses expel when we’re breathing, talking, singing, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, and in the case of most politicians, bloviating. Six feet social of distancing? Probably not enough! A sneeze can be expelled at 100 miles per hour and create 100,000 respiratory droplets. A cough: 50 miles per hour and 3,000 droplets. It’s science, baby! You’re welcome to your opinions, but facts are facts.
You’d think this information would be easily understood and universally accepted. To protect others from COVID-19, we should do all we can to protect one another from the respiratory droplets we all expel.
In one corner we have people willing to wear masks to protect their fellow citizens and front-line workers; in the other, self-proclaimed “patriots” who are certain masks do nothing. To them, demanding they wear a face mask is tantamount to tyranny, and if you succumb to the social pressure to wear one, you’re sheeple!
To the mask-wearers, refusing to wear a mask is irresponsible, rude, and potentially dangerous. It’s a signal that you literally don’t care about anyone but yourself. Which side you’re on is predictably tied to your politics. Liberal? Mask! Conservative? No mask!
What amazes me is that even during a pandemic, our hyper-partisan, über-polarized tribalism is unshakable. The United States of America may be 244 years old, but a third of us have the maturity of a hissy-fitting toddler.
In this week’s cover story, “Coronavirus split,” we lay out the political divide, which according to Republican Party of SLO County Chair Randall Jordan isn’t political at all.
“This is not a political thing. This is not a Republican-versus-Democrat thing at all,” Jordan claimed. “This is a freedom question; it’s a personal rights question.”
Oh! Personal rights! You’re basically saying you have the right to expel your COVID-y respiratory droplets on whomever you want, and people not being OK with that is taking away your right … to infect others? Hmm. I’m running through the Constitution and Bill of Rights in my head and damn if I’m not drawing a blank on where you have the right to be Typhoid Mary.
Jordan thinks the shelter-at-home orders and forced “non-essential” business closures were also infringing on personal liberties.
“The punishment, I won’t even say the requirements, the punishment that we are seeing with this shelter-at-home and the essential versus nonessential businesses—we feel that is way overblown for what is proven to be a very benign pandemic,” Jordan said, without a hint of irony.
Hey Randy—can I call you Randy?—anyway, Randy, I’m guessing you don’t know any of the 100,000-and-counting dead Americans who think the pandemic isn’t exactly “benign.” Maybe you should talk to their families? You can explain your “benign pandemic” theory to them. I’m sure they’d find it fascinating. Maybe you could get real close to them and sort of scream it at them like those nice protesters yelling bare-faced into the faces of front-line workers guarding government buildings.
Sweet baby Jesus! Can we literally not agree on anything? The no-mask brigade also wants to question the 100,000-death count, which The New York Times recently estimated to be under-counted by about 30,000. I saw one Mensa candidate spewing his anti-mask fart theory on Facebook that if you can smell a fart through jeans and underwear that’s proof a cloth face mask can’t protect anyone from COVID-19.
Dude. Duderino. The dudester. I think you’re mixing up farting and sharting, bro. Let me break it down for you. When you fart, you’re expelling a gas, called either flatus or intestinal gas, and when you shart, you’re expelling liquid and solid fecal matter, sort of like big respiratory droplets, see? So when you wear jeans, you keep your shit in your pants, and when you wear a face covering, you keep your coronavirus-ridden respiratory droplets in your mask. Basically, when you refuse to wear a mask, you’re saying you have a right to shit in my face. In fact, if you’d just keep your mouth shut (or your hands off the keyboard), people wouldn’t even know that you’re a total fricking moron.
Listen, put a damn mask on and quit being knuckle-dragging know-nothings whose maskless faces are telling everyone around you, “I can’t understand the concept of respiratory droplets because there’re too many syllables. I’m a fussy baby! I demand my right to be a big fat idiot. Oops! Did I just shart again?”
I get that this pandemic has been going on a long time and people are stir-crazy. I get the sentiment that “I’m not sick and I’m not scared so I should be able to go out and do whatever I want, and if you’re sick or scared YOU stay home.” I totally get it. You want a haircut. You want to gather in groups. You want to buy new jeans because of that shart stain. Can you try just a little to be part of the solution? When you’re out in public around other people, can you put on a face covering?
It won’t make you look like a sheeple; it’ll make you look like a functioning, empathetic adult. Δ
The Shredder wears a mask because it’s a luchador! Send comments and suggestions to shredder@newtimesslo.com.
This article appears in May 28 – Jun 4, 2020.
I am a conservative who wears a mask. It is the decent thing to do. The people I see without a mask don’t look like they have a political thought in their head, and if they do vote, it is for whoever promises them the most “free stuff”. And if you need help distinguishing between “flatus” and “sharting”, I suggest the scientific experiment long beloved by teenage boys involving contortions and a match. One is flammable.
Wear a mask. And don’t eat so much–obesity puts you at risk. Might help with the sharting problem, too.
Yes People have died, sadly this is what happens every year. This flu Pandemic has been blown out of proportion, I think more people are sick from the mental stress, financial stress, and the isolation. in my sixty years on this earth, I’ve lived through many Pandemics raised my children with success of never having to shut anything down. I am a Conservative, and I’m very leery about people who want to take our rights away. We can make choices like wearing a mask or not wearing one. We could
stay home or not stay home. Its sad how many small Business owners didn’t get to have that choice, or employees didn’t have a choice in keeping there jobs. How kids don’t get to go to school, loosing your income feels like you have lost your life.
So, I am not berating anyone who feels like you have to wear a mask or you fell like you have to do social distancing that’s your
choice your free choice. But don’t take our freedom away not wearing a mask and getting out and living, earning a living.
I have had enough the liberal rule in this state taking my rights away.
This was priceless! Right on, Shredder. No one has said it better.
It’s a matter of public health, not civil liberties. Remember the “smoker’s rights” groups from the 1990’s? Those fools demanded the freedom to poison the air and themselves and ridiculed people who wanted to breathe clean air at a time when many U.S cities were restricting tobacco use in public places.The anti-mask mobs today are just a nastier manifestation of the stupid, selfish smokers of the past.
While Shredder and many others want to divide the world into good and bad, right and wrong, Democrats and Republicans, the reality is much more nuanced and complex. The claim that anyone who questions the correctness of healthy people wearing masks in public is a MAGA-loving rightwing-Republican is pure fairytale. As a lifelong liberal, I am dedicated to science over party and through extensive research have found that the large majority of evidence is against the effectiveness of cloth masks in the community, with very little in support. As the Shredder says, “You’re welcome to your opinions, but facts are facts.” In general, I am opposed to any health care policy that is not firmly rooted in scientific fact and sorry to say, this one is NOT. So, while some may feel that it is polite or correct for healthy people to wear masks in public, the science does not back up these emotions. But don’t take my word for it –check out these links and do the research for yourself.
British Medical Journal – Are Masks Effective? –
https://www.bmj.com/content/369/bmj.m1422
Dr. Fauci on 60 Minutes – March 2020 –
https://youtu.be/PRa6t_e7dgI
WHO – Advice on the Use of Masks in the Context of COVID-19 –
https://www.who.int/publications-detail/ad…
Oral Health Group – Face Masks Don’t Work –
https://www.oralhealthgroup.com/features/f…
Center for Infectious Disease Research & Policy – Data Do Not Back Cloth Masks to Limit Covid-19 – https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/news-perspectiv…
Nicole. Please, dear God. Turn off Fox News.
If you were “firmly rooted in scientific fact” you wouldn’t be seeking self-justifying loopholes to wearing a mask in public and casting doubt –in the public sphere– on medical best-practices and the practical benefits of PPE use. Proper use of this equipment is what the medical professionals do, have done successfully for many years, and strongly recommend you do… for your sake and FOR OTHERS.
Maybe you should dwell on that second part, for just a second: FOR OTHERS.