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Dennis the
Menace
So on Tuesday the Tribune blared "Chief cleared of rape claim" across its front page, something I did with admittedly less fanfare a couple weeks ago in this very column when I wondered why Atascadero Police Chief Dennis Hegwood would risk a quick, illicit diddle at a friend's house when others were in the next room. And now the district attorney has cleared Hegwood of any criminal charges, thus agreeing with me, which is a first, I think.
Then on Wednesday, the Trib called for Hegwood's resignation, and I thought, Hey, waaaaait a minute-that's what I was going to do. They went on to cite 30 years of questionable behavior on the part of a police chief who shouldn't have been hired in the first place. It's curious that the Trib had all this information going back to Hegwood's days in Riverside and Rialto, but chose to withhold it from its news stories, presumably to give Tuesday's editorial some extra oomph. A checkered past filled with reprimands, resignations, and firings seems legitimate fodder for a news story. Well, at least, at New Times. Did I say that? Shut my mouth.
But never mind Hegwood's distant past for now. Before he shinnies up his badge and straps his weapon back on, let's check out his more recent shenanigans.
With all the rape stuff behind him, he'll be returning as Atascadero's police chief after having gotten himself in an embarrassing sexual twaddle that called into question his ability to judge his own judgments.
What kind of police chief decides to drive to an Atascadero neighborhood on city time to have sex with the wife of a professional acquaintance? One who's figured out the system, that's for sure. Why don't we get to do stuff like that around this dump? I wonder if, while driving over there, Hegwood just for a moment considered it might not be such a great idea.
When he arrived at the house, there's this woman tanked and stoned, quite obviously so, and there's the chief of police knowing full well that a crime's been committed - possession of marijuana at the very least. But this time he doesn't follow the law and his instincts, because the crime offers something for him: Maybe the perp will put out.
Does this mean that Hegwood can be bought in the future if he finds it in his best interest, too? Sounds kinda like it. From a morally corrupt citizen like me, this is good information to have whenever I find myself in Atascadero. There's only one thing missing, of course: the price. I'll keep you informed.
And I have to wonder about the judgment exercised by Atascadero's top cop, who not only had sex with a drunken stoner, but did it knowing there were two teenage girls in the next room. If Hegwood were taking a police report instead of being in one, he'd certainly discover that his eyebrows were rising involuntarily. It's automatic police physiology.
There's plenty of other strange Hegwood behavior to consider, not the sort generally associated with a police chief. He "retired" from his job without notice, then he "un-retired" himself before being placed on administrative leave by Atascadero City Manager Wade McKinney. Playing now-I'm-the-police-chief-and-now-I'm-not sounds like fun. If you're 7.
Am I being overly moralistic here and blatantly nitpicky? Well, maybe, I guess - that is, if it was anyone besides the guy who'd bust my buddies in two seconds if he thought they might have toked a little weed to brighten the night, and who also happens to oversee a corral full of cops sworn to do just that.
Is Hegwood the department's moral leader? Raise your hand if you think so. Looks like we're pretty much in agreement that he is. Then I guess the cops of Atascadero should be given the same opportunity to get laid on city time and let my stoner pals go and take a few months off with pay while the sheriff and the district attorney investigates them - and then head back to work, victims falsely accused, to be honored by the city for devotion to duty and all that other crap.
I'm not a big fan of double standards, except when I'm the beneficiary, which doesn't happen often enough, now that I think of it. And although Hegwood may have some complaints about this whole affair, that sure isn't one of them.
Probably the biggest revelation in the Trib's Wednesday editorial was the vote of no confidence in Hegwood by the Rialto Police Association when he was that city's police chief in the 1990s - over 91 percent said they had no confidence in his leadership.
Which brings us back to Atascadero's City Manager Wade McKinney, the guy responsible for hiring this disaster of a police chief in the first place. He'll be reinstating Hegwood sometime soon, and I'll be wondering why.
McKinney says he was aware of the Rialto police department's vote prior to his hiring Hegwood - but not through any effort of his own. The Atascadero cops did some digging and provided McKinney with a report that should have set off alarm bells in his brain box.
McKinney can't win here. If he wasn't aware of Hegwood's checkered past and sloppy ethics and questionable morals, then he doesn't know how to do his job. If he was aware, then he shouldn't have hired Hegwood to begin with.
It's really simple. Dennis Hegwood is an embarrassing liability whose only concern right now is hanging on to his job long enough to get his full retirement pay.
Wade McKinney is stuck in the middle, wondering which decision will unleash the least amount of hell.
You're on the sidelines, enjoying a delicious hometown scandal.
And I'm ready for Chief Hegwood to resign or get fired, like real soon if you know what I mean - and I sure am glad I get to write this column anonymously. ³
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