Whiplash!

Now that there’s a new liberal majority on the SLO County Board of Supervisors, the perpetually dysfunctional governing body is flip-flopping like a suffocating fish on a dried out ag pond.

Two months ago, on Dec. 6, 2022, the then conservative majority adopted a new planting ordinance for the Paso Robles Groundwater Basin that increased groundwater pumping exemptions from 5 acre-feet per year to 25 acre-feet per year, but it came with a bevy of onerous new requirements for agriculture that had farmers fuming (“SLO County supervisors adopt controversial new Paso Robles basin ordinance,” Dec. 9, 2022). It was due to take effect March 1, 2023.

Now the newly seated majority pre-emptively voted “No way, Jose” to the yet-to-be-implemented new ordnance in favor of reverting to the old 2013 “offset ordinance,” which means a 5 acre-feet annual pumping limit and also a “no” to all the new ag requirements that farmers hated. So instead of fixing the actual problem … status quo.

Governing is hard.

At the center of this ongoing issue, and what neither the old nor new ordinance accomplished, is protecting the basin for future use, limiting so-called Big Ag “water pirates,” and protecting small farmers who are being squeezed out of their livelihoods. Hey, you guys, how about a solution that works for everyone at least a little bit?

Of course, it’s near impossible to come to a solution when you can’t agree on the problem.

“I don’t believe the basin is in overdraft,” 1st District Supe John Peschong said.

“It’s never been declared in overdraft,” 5th District Supe Debbie Arnold said.

Well kids, sounds like you’re in denial. The state declared that 12,600 more acre-feet of water comes out of the basin every year than can be replenished. And that is the definition of “overdraft.” Maybe you’re using the wrong dictionary?

“The physical situation of the Paso Robles Groundwater Basin has been thoroughly technically studied,” 2nd District Supe Bruce Gibson said. “It is in overdraft, as evidence by a determination by the Department of Water Resources that it’s, in fact, in critical overdraft. It’s in crisis.”

That’s a fact. Not an opinion

“This is incredibly sad and it’s incredibly silly. I’ve never seen such divide on something we all know is truly important for the future of our county,” 3rd District Supe Dawn Ortiz-Legg said.

It is silly and sad: If elected officials can’t agree on what the actual real facts actually are, is there hope for the rest of us?

The 2013 ordinance did seem to favor Big Ag businesses like J. Lohr Vineyards & Wines and Matt Turrentine, a partner at Grapevine Capital Partners, both of whom made substantial donations to Gibson’s campaign. But guess what? The SLO Cattlemen’s Association wanted to keep the status quo too, and it donated $25,000 to Gibson’s opponent. So let’s put a limit on those donations, amirite?

And the drought? Arnold apparently thinks it’s over, as do a lot of the small farmers desperate to get back to growing crops.

“Small farmers must not be penalized because they stopped planting during the drought,” resident Linda Becker said. “It’s important to protect and represent all farmers fairly.”

Seriously, Linda! You think the drought is over because we had one storm?

Dear John and Debbie, the drought continues, and the Paso basin is endangered. Face reality.

Dear Bruce, Dawn, and Jimmy, Small ag is suffering, and reverting to the 2013 ordinance does not relieve that suffering.

Can you five please work together and govern in a way that makes sense for the people who live here? An effective compromise will keep all interested parties in business … and all a little dissatisfied. Spread the pleasure and the pain like the faux-leather-clad dominatrix pols we’ve come to see you as, cute little leather braided floggers and all.

As Benjamin Franklin famously quipped, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” If you were wondering what happened in the David vs. Goliath story of Grover Beach short-term rental (STR) operator Allen Thompson—who adamantly assured the Grover Beach City Council that his city-licensed rental was not subject to the transient occupancy tax (TOT) and that he wasn’t going to pay his tax bill (“The taxman cometh,” Aug. 25, 2022)—turns out he does have to pay and will pay because the wheels of justice (or injustice, depending on your view) turn slowly but never stop.

Grover Beach sued Thompson on Jan. 20 for nine causes of action, including statutory liability for unremitted TOT, fraud, and negligent misrepresentation. Yikes! Worse still, his initial $16K tax bill ballooned to almost $30,000, according to the complaint. Thompson didn’t respond to New Times’ request for comment, maybe because I called him “a special, one-of-a-kind snowflake.”

Grover Beach City Attorney David Hale told New Times that on the morning of Feb. 7, Thompson and the city came to a settlement agreement after meeting at City Hall: “We had a solemn negotiation this morning and came to a settlement amount.” Whew, glad it was a solemn discussion. I was worried.

But everyone is waiting on the official paperwork before disclosing anything. That settlement still needs signatures.

Once signed, the city will toss the lawsuit. Hale will disclose details including the settlement amount at the Feb. 14 council meeting. Happy future Valentine’s Day, Allen! Δ

The Shredder won’t compromise. Whine about it at shredder@newtimesslo.com.

This article appears in Feb 9-19, 2023.