Whatever happened to second base?

Oral sex is all the rage among SLO County kids, bringing greater concerns about sexually transmitted diseases

BY DANIEL BLACKBURN

Teenagers have sex. Younger and younger children are having sex. Parents still are not talking to their kids enough about having sex.

No surprises here. But now try reading these sentences again, putting the word "oral" in front of "sex," and then check your pulse.

While teen pregnancies have declined in San Luis Obispo County and most of California over the past several years, the incidence of oral sex behavior among children as young as 11 is growing exponentially. There may be a distinct correlation, some experts believe. From 1991 to 1998, teen birth rates in San Luis Obispo County fell by (percent to come).

Is it just the same old story of youthful passion, or is it something else, something infinitely more ominous? Is it a trend with legs?

"It’s a fact that oral sex seems very safe to lots of kids. It somehow seems to preserve whatever their idea of abstinence is," said Elizabeth Ramirez, a Grover Beach nurse practitioner for the SLO County Public Health Department.

Ramirez said she has been talking to more and more youngsters about their increasingly varied sexual repertoire, and has noted a significant swing toward oral sex.

It’s happening at the start of boy-girl relationships, she said, and that hardly gives genuine relationships any chance to start.

"Kids say oral sex is just something that occurs, and is perfectly acceptable. I must say I find it interesting what kids call ‘normal’ these days," she said, noting that she sees more and more young girls with "abnormal" Pap tests.

This certainly is not your momma’s generation.

"I was pretty modest at that age," said "Lisa," a 21-year-old San Luis Obispo woman. "I thought when kids did that, it was the exception to the rule. But my girlfriends surprised me. They all thought it wasn’t such a big deal. And they all thought it was better than sleeping together [with boyfriends]. They thought if they did this, they wouldn’t look so bad to their friends."

Lisa said she has lots of young friends, including her 15-year-old brother’s buddies.

"Oral sex is all they ever talk about," she said. "They brag about what they’ve done, or what they are about to do. I wonder where all these young girls are coming from."

Lisa’s mother, "Alicia," is 45 and surprised.

"I have personally not heard of that age group getting involved in [oral sex], " she said. "Silly me."

She did realize some time ago that kids were "making out"–which she considers kissing and fondling–as early as the fourth grade, and even that, she said, stunned her.

"I asked my daughter where all this went on, and she laughed and said ‘in the bushes, of course.’"

If observers of the scene are correct, however, "making out" now includes oral sex.

Alicia said she has a "very open" relationship with her children but still was taken aback by news of young people’s sexual precociousness.

"It sounds to me as though it’s all getting a lot more casual," she said. "From the little I know, oral sex seems to be more of a sport than anything else. You know, bragging that ‘I did this’ or ‘I did that’ but now they’re really doing it."

Alicia said that when her daughter was going through her teen years, "the race was to not be the only virgin in your group."

If a girl was willing to perform oral sex, she was usually thinking that it was far better and less dangerous than intercourse, and that if she complied her guy "would leave her alone and quit pressuring her," Lisa said. "It’s an escape route, an alternative."

Many youngsters believe they can avoid a plethora of sex-related problems by engaging in oral sex.

"They think they can ignore the possibility of pregnancy, AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases and other issues if they only do oral sex," said the health department’s Ramirez. "But they really don’t have a clue."

Education is the key to solving the problem, said Ramirez.

And while that sentiment sounds perfectly logical, it doesn’t always hold true.

Lisa, for example, said she first heard about oral sex in classroom sex education courses.

"They make it sound so pleasurable," she said about classroom instructors. "Even kids who hadn’t heard about it wanted to try it."

Gayle Peterson, an authority on family issues who writes an advice column for parents of young teens on Parentsoup.com, responded recently to a query from a mother who wondered why her daughter had a cavalier attitude about oral sex.

"Your teenager is ignoring the emotional ramifications involved in becoming sexually active," wrote Peterson.

Peterson lectures on sexual subjects nationwide and often tells her audiences that youngsters should "banish any myth that oral sex equals safe sex."

Peterson allows that it may be "rare" for HIV and AIDS to be passed along through oral sex, "but it is possible if open sores in the mouth are present. Since the mouth is susceptible to undetectable lesions, oral sex is no guarantee of safety from either HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This includes herpes," she wrote.

Those who study such things have noticed an increase in genital warts in the throat and on the face due to oral sex. Gonorrhea of the throat also is being detected more often, said Adrienne Verrilli, director of communications for the New York-based Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States.

Unlike syphilis and some other sexually transmitted diseases, cases of genital warts don’t have to be reported by medical personnel, so complete statistics aren’t available.

But the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that 15 percent of people ages 15 to 49 are infected with genital warts, and that 14 percent of college females become infected each year. Three million teens in the United States are expected to be infected this year with a sexually transmitted disease, according to the sexuality information council.

Merely citing the deep consternation and surprise of parents when they learn that teen sex is taking a wild detour from "the norm" hardly does justice to the depth of the informational divide.

A recent "Oprah Winfrey" show covered the issue and incorporated an interview with "Dr. Phil" McGraw, whom the talk show hostess described as a "Ph.D. and life strategist."

"This is happening on school buses, in bathrooms, at parties, everywhere around the country. The cow’s out of the barn," McGraw said.

Winfrey had some advice to her viewers: "If you are thinking this is a trend that only involves troubled teens or children in someone else’s neighborhood, you need to think again."

"I wouldn’t want to say it surprised me," said county health officer Dr. Greg Thomas. "Oral sex is certainly something that [sex education] practitioners are dealing with. It presents us with a counseling opportunity to point out to kids and parents that oral sex is sexual contact. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can infect through oral sex. We have seen cases of herpes, gonorrhea and venereal warts. And indeed, there is evidence that the HIV virus can be transmitted orally. The practice is not risk free."

"Cathi," a 34-year-old San Luis Obispo mother of a 13-year-old boy, wondered, "Whatever happened to second base?"

She referred, of course, to the time-honored (perhaps time-worn ) mating dance of going from "first" to "home" before couples settled into more exotic forms of sexual intimacy and satisfaction.Cathi said she recently overheard a conversation between her son and several friends.

"I guess they forgot I was around, because all of a sudden they started talking about ‘it,’ " she said. "I could tell from their conversation that they were still pretty much in the dark about the subject. But they were talking about it."

Therein lies the rub. When kids talk about something, particularly something that is reputed to be pleasurable, there is the human inclination to try it.

And youngsters are talking about oral sex more... and more, and more.

Education, however, remains the only real cure on the shelf, according to many professionals. And education can take many forms.

Efforts to discourage human sexual activity have always fallen short of achieving the objective. Religions teach that premarital sex in all forms, including those stubborn, wanton thoughts, is wrong, sinful, damning. The believers’ solution? Abstinence.

Then there were chastity belts, locked on women as their men departed for the Crusades, and "betrothed bags," into which engaged men were sewn while staying under the roof of future fathers-in-law. In some cultures, death for premarital sex is the prescription.

One problem with the notion of chastity is that lots of youngsters today truly believe that oral sex is not really sex.

Oral sex and abstinence co-exist in the minds of kids, said Ramirez.

"I even had one boy tell me that he had President Clinton’s approval,’ she said, referring to Clinton’s notorious claim that his experience with Monica Lewinsky was "not sexual relations."

"Parents must become more aware of what is happening," said the health department’s Ramirez. "They can’t assume the school is taking care of it. And it takes a while for people to realize that."

Countering educational hopes is yet another human weakness.

As Thomas, the county’s chief medical doctor, wryly observed, "Unfortunately, people hear in lessons only that which they want to hear."

Charlene Giannetti, co-author of "The Roller-Coaster Years" and "Parenting 911," agreed that home schooling on the matter of sex is woefully inadequate.

"Most parents are uncomfortable dealing with the sexuality of their children. But the fact is that adolescents are having sex at younger ages. As parents, we need to educate them and not risk closing off the lines of communication," she wrote in an Internet column for Parentsoup.com.

Giannetti was directing her answer to a parent who worried that her 12-year-old daughter was considering oral sex with a boyfriend.

"Why does your daughter feel she should have sex with her boyfriend?" wondered Giannetti. "Does she feel pressured by him? By her peers? How does she see her relationship evolving with this boy? How would she feel if they broke up after she agreed to sex? Would she feel used? When you talk with her, try not to be confrontational. Let her know that you are concerned about her welfare and want to be there to listen and help."

One of the areas that requires attention, said Ramirez, is building self-esteem in young girls.

"The way girls perceive themselves, and the respect they have for themselves, is important when they have to deal with pressure from boys," she said. "Boys have no problem with their bodies. In fact, they can’t wait to show off their brand-new erections. But girls? They still are uncomfortable looking at their sex organs, and this has been going on forever."

Overall, the issue of increasing teen sexual activity in all forms has state officials particularly nettled.

In a document published this year entitled "California Unprepared," researchers at the University of California and the California Adolescent Health Collaborative worried the state cannot cope with "the health needs of its exploding teenage population."

Sheer numbers of youngsters will overload the health system, predicted the report.

"With the number of teens in California projected to increase from 5 million to 6 million by 2005, progress already made could be undermined," said UCSF professor and study author Claire Brindis.

More teenagers means more youthful sex ... and if the current trend continues, more oral sex and more sexually transmitted diseases.

Ramirez said she thinks girls are getting more aggressive in their approaches to boys.

"Needless to say, the boys don’t seem to mind this at all," she said. "But there does seem to be something new happening ... boys who get a reputation for this are called ‘sluts’ just like girls are."

One sex education professional said of her children, "I spent years cramming the facts down their throats. But I guess I forgot to warn them about drugs."

She chuckled and added, "Kinda ironic, huh?" Æ

New times news editor Daniel Blackburn can be reached at [email protected].

 

 

Who to contact

The issue of teens and oral sex is being discussed around the country. Here are some sources for more information for both teens and parents.

 

SLO County area agencies

SLO County Public Health Department at 2191 Johnson Ave. offers information on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and can be reached at 781-5537 or 781-5540. STD appointments: 781-5537.

Family Planning Clinics are located in Grover Beach, 473-7050; Morro Bay 772-6380; and Paso Robles, 237-3050.

San Luis Obispo Teen Center offers STD information and counseling, 781-7282 and 800-590-2437.

State agencies

The AIDS-California Statewide Hotline offers STD information and can be reached toll-free at 800-367-2437.

The AIDS Counseling and Information Hotline also offers STD information and counseling, 800-590-2437.

Other local resources

EOC Teen Health Education Center at 705 Grand Ave. in San Luis Obispo is designed for teens by teens. Call 544-2498.

AIDS Support Network 1204 Nipomo St., San Luis Obispo, 781-3660.

 

Web sites

Parentsoup.com

For parents of teens 13 and up

"My teenage daughter told me she does not plan on having intercourse, but she (and her friends) see no problem at all with having oral sex. I was absolutely floored and didn't have a clue how to handle it or what to say…"

The site also has information for parents and teens on dating and sex, parenting issues, message boards, and advice on birth control.

Sxetc.org

A web site by teens for teens

"Okay, so you’re thinking of having sex. Who do you decide to talk with about birth control, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and how to know if you’re even ready in the first place….?"

 

teenadvice.about.com/cs/oralsexfacts

"Teens say oral sex doesn’t count as sex…The truth about oral sex with reasons why it does "count" as sex….10 Things You Oughta Know About Oral Sex… Top 10 fact sheet about oral sex… Dr. Gayle Peterson advises parents on how to discuss oral sex with their children…"

 

Coastweekly.com

Monterey County’s alternative weekly newspaper published a cover story in its July 25 issue on teens and oral sex in Monterey County.

"For some local teenagers, promiscuous sex is just something to do. In Carmel Middle School, eighth grade girls give oral sex to boys in the bathrooms, sometimes to one boy after another. At Salinas High, girls stimulate each other to turn on the boys in their class…"

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