Sweet procrastination 

Thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan

When I first visited the site, recommended by National Novel Writing Month, the white space said, “Choosy Mothers Choose Squirrel.” Beneath that a peppy yellow tab instructed me to “generate another slogan!” So I did. “Every Gazebo Helps” it now said. You’re also given the option of entering a word to generate a slogan of your own.

This is what half an hour of procrastinating from work got me: “Doing It Right Before Your Pi,” “I am Stuck on Pi, ‘Cause Pi’s Stuck on Me,” and “Feel the Raw Naked Pi of the Road.” That’s right, I sloganized pi. Not because I like math. I hate math. But ARTS Obispo has a pi exhibit coming up, and pi sounds like a delicious flaky pastry so it stuck. Sneaky mathematicians.

Then it’s on to Bluth in homage to Arrested Development. “We Do Bluth Right.” “Have a Bluth and Smile.” “I’m Only Here for the Bluth.” 

Best I can tell the Surrealist Slogan Generator is the brainchild of thesurrealist.co.uk, which has the slogan “less funny the more you reload.” They have other tools of procrastination as well. Under the category Name-Battle Games, you can click on “Battle Robots,” “Giant Battle Monsters,” or “Food-Eating Battle Monkeys.” Under Gibberish generators they have “The Reality TV Generator,” “The Wikipedia Album Generator,” “Bilateral Thinking Puzzles,” and “The Ultimate Personality Test,” among others. And under Miscellanea, “The Dossier Sexupifier,” “TV Misguidance,” and “Exquisite Corpses.”

Clicking on “The Surrealist Link” I find myself looking at a stern figure with glasses and a text bubble that says, “You are the yellowest egg. Goodbye!” I click again, only to be informed, “You are the least Latvian prostitute. Goodbye!” For no rational reason, I want another. “You are the dreamiest paratrooper. Goodbye!” Finally, I’m satisfied.