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Spillin' the tea 

"He said, she said" is an unbreakable stalemate, especially when both parties are their own special brand of cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs®. For instance, what should we make of the strange saga of now-former Oceano Community Services District (OCSD) board member Cynthia Replogle and Oceano community member Clark D'Souza, who accuse one another of stalking and harassment?

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Replogle abruptly quit her position on the board on March 23 because, she noted, "I caught myself shopping online for bulletproof vests, and then I realized this is too far."

What the what?

Yeah, seriously. She says she's in fear for her life! She had requested that the OCSD file a restraining order against D'Souza on her behalf because, she said, "It got to the point where I would not feel safe going to in-person meetings."

What kind of a monster is D'Souza? Well, in 2017, the OCSD filed a restraining order against him on behalf of the OCSD staff after he brought them cupcakes. Oh wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. The cupcakes were his "apology" for frequently angrily confronting staff about an improperly maintained American flag on private property (sheesh!), and the restraining order was because he screamed "nonsensical statements," "climbed on the treadmill [and] lifted his shirt up for no apparent reason," and "climbed on the fire truck."

He seems ... interesting. Apparently he runs a YouTube channel where he documents his criticism of county leaders. The "he said" part of this equation is D'Souza's counterclaim that Replogle is stalking him.

"She brought out a Taser gun and ran around threatening people with [it]. She stood in front of my house while jogging. I didn't say in the video what she actually did ... she would sit and stare," he said.

How do you stand and jog simultaneously? Never mind.

Replogle countered that the Taser was only clipped to her fanny-pack while jogging. Hm. But did she jog by D'Souza's house? And sit and stare? That seems weird. If these two were actual grade-schoolers on a playground, not just adults acting like grade-schoolers, I'd assume they were flirting, but they're supposed to be grown-ass adults. What an embarrassment.

It's certainly as embarrassing as the frivolous lawsuit SLO County Clerk-Recorder race watcher and candidate Stew Jenkins supporter T. Keith Gurnee filed against appointed Clerk-Recorder Elaina Cano that argues she improperly listed her title on the June 7 primary ballot. She filed her ballot designation as "county clerk-recorder, appointed," instead of the legally approved "appointed incumbent," which the lawsuit argues is also unfair anyway because the very word "appointed" reflects an "evaluation of the candidate."

Are you a dipshit, or shitdip, Gurnee?

This is why the public loathes politicians, lawyers, and lawsuits. They too often argue over nonsense while the ship is sinking around us. Is the position called "Clerk-Recorder, SLO County"; or "SLO County Clerk-Recorder?" The answer is, who gives a flying Figaro? What does the "T" stand for? "Toddler?" This lawsuit makes you seem like a petty, petulant baby-man. We need adults who won't let politics sully our election process, not this semantic flatulence.

And speaking of gas, now that a gallon costs around six bucks, are you ready to jump on the public transportation bandwagon? If you are, I hope you're not in a hurry to get where you're going because it's about as inconvenient and slow as an actual horse-drawn wagon.

Even before COVID-19 decimated local public transit, our system sucked. Now it's a light-consuming black hole of canceled or skeleton routes, inconvenient times, and a lack of drivers.

This is a real Catch-22. People don't take the bus because it doesn't meet their needs, so ridership is down even though demand for public transportation is up. To get more people on the bus, you need more routes and pickup times, but that costs money that the system doesn't have because people aren't riding and, apparently, our government is not yet willing to invest the funds needed to fully implement a robust public transportation system.

In SLO Town (now a well-earned nickname), public transit is so inadequate that depending on where you're going, it's faster to walk. In the county, it's not much better. In fact, commuters coming from Los Osos to SLO are being routed through Morro Bay. Scenic, yes, but some of us are expected to arrive to work on time.

Atascadero has its own public transportation woes. It can't seem to get its kids to public school.

"I moved here, where it's largely rural, from a place where it's largely not rural," resident Shane Patrick said. "And I was absolutely shocked that there wasn't a school bus to take my child to school, especially considering how rural it was. We had buses in Monterey."

Are we less fancy than Monterey? Wow!

If we want to help the environment, unclog the roadways, and cut down on the need for parking, we must make bus riding cool, man. Like a badge of honor or something! We need express routes, more frequent bus cycles, comfortable shaded bus stops with adequate seating, and perhaps most importantly, we need to de-stigmatize public transit as something unsavory and relegated only to the poor.

Make public transit great again! Δ

The Shredder doesn't gossip; it reports ... and comments. Tea, anyone? Send ideas, suggestions, and baseless rumors to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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