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Revel in the merriment of two upcoming fairs on the Central Coast 

Here ye! Here ye! Fair maidens, noble vassals, and even thou motley-minded serfs! By my troth, it is mine duty to announce the coming tidings. Gather thy codpieces, festooned ruffs, and goblets of mead my merry folk. Forsooth, the Central Coast Renaissance Festival is upon us. Yes, this July 19 and 20, at Laguna Lake Park, thou can revel in the many jolly festivities this jaunty occasion has to offer. There will be music of most excellent merit, daily jousting of the highest skill, food of such bountiful excess that even His Highness King Henry VIII would be impressed, and enough of that flowery mumbo jumbo, you may joust thyself in the head. Prithee, Peña, please stop.

Okay, the Ren Faire. It should be fun. You can try a turkey leg, learn how to fence, pet some animals with your kids, and, apparently, this year there will be live falconry. I’ve only seen a falcon land on the arm of a man attired in L.L. Bean-brand khaki pants. I can only assume the sight is more fantastical when pantaloons are involved. For more information, visit A pox on those who don’t.

If, however, fine 16th-century frolic is not really your bag, there’s another fair beginning this weekend and it’s in the middle of the state too. That’s probably why it’s called the California Mid State Fair and not, as I call it, “the cause of deep emotional stress due to the one time my parents lost me near the carnival games and I saw a man with one eye and a hook for a hand.” That title would just be too long to fit on a banner. Now, there probably won’t be a frightening carnie at this year’s Mid-State Fair. Then again, there might be. That’s the mysterious allure that keeps people coming back. That, and the many funnel cake stands.

The fair will take place at the Paso Robles Event Center from July 16 through July 27. In addition to food stuffings galore, the fair does feature multiple art displays. Are they up to the standard I set when I entered an out-of-focus photo of my dog at the age of eight? I don’t know. Is Kid Rock the Elvis of our day? Does Demi Lovato wear the scalp of Simon Cowell as a battle trophy? You’ll just have to go to find out. For even more info, visit

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