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Hey! Stop it! 

God bless stupidity. Over the past week, I’ve spent most of my time posting fake ads on the missed connections section of Craigslist. Then I went to bed last night with nothing to write about today. I woke up this morning hoping inspiration would hit, but when I reached into my bag o’ snarkyness, my hand came out empty.

Then I heard that SLO police officers Daniel McDow and Armando Limon finally got canned. These were the doofuses who went into Mexico, snagged more than 850 pills—without a prescription—and marched back across the border. That all happened way back in last-September land, and it wasn’t until this April that the two pleaded guilty in federal court for illegally bringing pharmaceuticals over the border. Meanwhile, the higher ups in the department were conducting their own investigation. You might think two guilty pleas would be enough to close the internal investigation—certainly enough to draw some conclusions within a few days. But it took them more than three months.

Who was leading the investigation? Inspector Gadget?

But the really holy-crap-I-can’t-believe-they-said-that part came out of the I-shouldn’t-have-said-that lobe of attorney Alison Berry Wilkinson’s brain. She called the whole mishap a “judgment error.”

“The officers believed the purchases made fell into two categories: doctor-approved medication that could be purchased over the counter in the quantity obtained, and health supplements,” she said in an e-mail.

As any 18-year-old stumbling across the border knows, you go into a Mexican pharmacy to get things that you can’t easily get in the United States. In the case of McDow and Limon, they came back with pills used to treat ADHD and others used for dieting. To give them the benefit of the doubt: Maybe they just wanted to stay up all night exercising. After all, that police uniform can only hide so much baby fat.

What’s that Wilkinson? You have more explanations? Oh, please don’t.

“While 850 pills sounds like a lot, 500- quantity supplement and vitamin bottles are readily available at both GNC and Costco and are regularly purchased by millions of Americans,” she said.

By that logic, the officers came back with 350 pills more than they could have purchased legally in bathtub-sized containers at said mega stores.

“Many of those supplement and vitamin bottles bear the notation: Made in Mexico,” she went on.

Yeah, well my pot says “Made in Canada,” but that doesn’t make me think it’s legal here.

Dear God, she’s still talking.

“This situation is analogous to the judgment error made when someone has that last glass of wine before leaving a restaurant, believing that they have not consumed enough to exceed the legal limit, only to discover that they were wrong.”

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, Wilkinson.

“Regular citizens and officers make that judgment error all the time. Officers are expected by their departments to do exactly what McDow and Limon did here—accept responsibility for their error, pay their debt to society, and take appropriate steps to not make that same mistake again.”

First of all, officers are expected to know laws, even the pesky little international drug-trafficking ones. To call this a judgment error is insulting, and terrifying if it’s true that police don’t understand the most basic laws.

Moreover, they didn’t accept responsibility. McDow and Limon are appealing the loss of their jobs.

Wilkinson noted in her response to New Times that Limon was officer of the year in 2009. If he was dumb enough to try to smuggle pharmaceuticals across the border and then come back with the excuse that he didn’t know that was bad, I might consider hiding his previous accolades.

Drama queens

*cough* *echem*

Sorry. I had something in my throat. I was spending some time down in Oceano over the weekend and I noticed my throat kept tickling. It’s weird, because this never happened when I used to go there back before the county released the SLO County Air Pollution Control District South County Phase 2 Particulate Stu … the dust study.

From what I’ve heard, people who live on the Nipomo Mesa have developed the same cough, which apparently began after the study was released and really seems to get bad during public meetings.

*COUGH*

Apparently a few of the neighbors have taken to coughing during public meetings, as if to emphasize the dusty air clogging south county. Now I can’t say whether these displays are for show or genuine illness, but I don’t remember hearing about any coughing before the study was released.

Before all of you jump down my throat (get it?), I totally agree that the off-roaders are kicking dust into the air. It’s one of those “freaking duh” type conclusions. But can we reel in the theatrics a bit please?

Oh, and all of you Kevin Rice acolytes out there—whom I like to think of as Rice Krispies—don’t think I’m on your side, either. Any boob can look out at the dunes and see the Bakersfield and Fresno bumpkins kicking up a dust storm with their various four wheelers.

Should we do something to keep the dust down? Yup. Do the mousy coughs at public meetings help the cause? Hell no.

Even Ferris Bueller faked sickness with some class.

The Shredder is feeling under the weather and may take the next week off. Send get-well messages to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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