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Here, fishy, fishy, fishy 

Someone once said that he didn't know why people eat fish, because it's only good when it doesn't taste like what it is. It's true. The best fish isn't fishy, and the worst fish is the stuff that stinks like fish.

It's enough to make a guy eat nothing but beef jerky, cheese nips, Jameson Irish whiskey, or lacking that lukewarm Fresca, all of which happens to be my diet right now. But enough about me.

I've got fish on the brain because Central Coast Salmon Enhancement is holding an event on June 9, at which people can sponsor a Chinook salmon for release into Port San Luis Harbor. It's $5 a fish, and I'm thinking of buying a bunch and naming them after my favorite local leaders. Then I can set them free and watch sea lions zip after them. Watch out, Lois Capps! That pelican looks hungry and Republican.

Or maybe if you're ever dangling a line off a pier, you can hook, say, Jerry Lenthall and take him home to flay him, de-bone him, and eat him for dinner.

I'm sure there's more than a few locals who'd like to see a fishy form of the county supe hit the frying pan, most notably Adam Hill, whose fans are pointing him toward a chair on the county board of supervisors, and who, I can easily imagine, would happily tuck into a Jerry Bisque or Skillet-Seared Jerry Cubes with Basil Cream Sauce, especially in light of the whole Fossil Point tank-farm development consideration.

I've heard it said that nobody in Avila trusts Jerry as far as they can throw him, which would probably be a lot more if he was just a little-bitty fish, but I don't believe it anyway. There's got to be somebody out there who doesn't think Jerry's just someone who puts together committees in the hopes that they'll produce the answer he's looking for, like a panel of yes men giving thumbs up to developing growth. And for Jerry's aquatic namesake, Li'l Jerry, I hope that the people who don't trust him are vegetarians or at least steak fans.

I'm also thinking of naming a Chinook after Stephen Wieneke, who appears to be the guy Los Osos will look to for CSD leadership in the coming months. If everything goes according to whatever plan is in motion, Steve can I call you Steve, Steve? will step into the big chair in Sewerville, maybe even while you're reading these very words. Or these words. Or perhaps the words at the beginning of this column. Or maybe the ones you'll read when you flip a few pages farther back to the movie reviews. Frankly, I don't know when this is all going down.

See, nobody would confirm for really, really, really sure that Steve-O was absolutely positively going to get hired, but you know and I know that interim general manager Annajane Hugh is probably hyperventilating into a brown paper bag and counting the seconds until she's no longer the go-to person for everyone's favorite unincorporated county locale. And since I can hear her breathing all the way in my San Luis Obispo hovel, I'm guessing that all systems are go. If they're not, well, just chalk it up to Los Osos, huh?

Anyway, Stevie will get a salmon of his own so he can learn that life here in these dangerous Central Coast waters is cold, brutal, and short. Some Los Osos rabble-rouser I'd say Joey Racano, but I'm not sure if he eats fish or anything else that has a heart will snap him up and grill him with butter and dill.

But no. I'm turning over a new Shredder leaf and throwing in a dash of optimism. If my main man Steve-o-rama does land in the big seat, I'm betting that he'll whip that place into a shape it hasn't been in since the last recall. And then we'll see who's at the top of the food chain.

Stop the car
My Cal Poly spies informed me that June 1 marked the end of some sort of web-based project that asked college faculty to respond to a "Parking Services 2007 Customer Satisfaction Survey." Curious to see what the survey was about, I used my elite hackage skillz (as I believe the kids are calling it these days) to access the thing online. The very first question asks respondents to identify themselves as a staff, faculty, or student.

That's all well and good, but darned if the second page of the survey doesn't just give up on the former two to focus on the latter: "Based on the number of academic units you have completed, what is your present class level?" "Are you primarily a Day Student Evening Student Both day and evening student Weekend Student."

First of all, who or what is a weekend student? And second of all, I just happen to know that some of the people filling out the survey aren't actually students at all, but faculty and staff members, and that not everyone was happy with how the survey was formatted. There was, for instance, no place to write carefully worded complaints or draw pictures of parking enforcement officials getting run over by their own vehicles.

Having spent some time on the Cal Poly campus myself, I've noticed that parking isn't exactly the school's big draw. But maybe this survey will turn things around, and people will actually someday be able to park somewhere near where they're going. We can only dream.

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