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Do behave! 

Am I having a flashback or déjà vu?

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I feel like we've already had a community fight about a facility serving homeless individuals that residents threw a NIMBY fit over. Oh wait, I know. It happens every damn time!

It was only a few months ago in November that I was wagging my little Shredderlicious finger at the city of Atascadero for poo-pooing a much-needed homeless warming shelter right out of town. Lucky for those without a roof over their heads, a nonprofit stepped up to take care of something that the city basically refused to do. Transitional Food and Shelter found some churches willing to lend a roof for the night, set up cots during rainstorms and cold nights, housed between 20 and 60 homeless individuals for the night, and packed everything up by morning.

And for the next city full of NIMBYs that's going to get an infamous Shredder finger wag, I'll turn my attention to not one, but two! Residents in Grover Beach and Arroyo Grande basically lost their damn minds over the 5 Cities Homeless Coalition's decision to purchase the Hillside Church on Newport Avenue without talking to every one on the block about it first! Hmm. Is that one of the caveats to purchasing a property? I had no idea. I might need to check in with my fellow creekbed residents about the new cardboard box that I dragged under the bridge because I can't afford to put it anywhere else.

I thought this was a free country, where an entity with money can buy whatever it damn well pleases without talking to anybody about it first. Isn't that Capitalism 101?

The property is still in escrow and the project that's proposed for the property is still in the conceptual stages. Those plans include transitional housing for young adults aged 18 to 24, and 20 permanently affordable housing units (brought to you by Peoples' Self-Help Housing). But, and here's a key statement, nothing has been decided yet. Yet, the good(ish) people of the Five Cities are flipping out—and they've already made lawn signs!

Lawn signs!

"Right idea, wrong location," the signs proclaim. They should say: "Caution, NIMBY at work. Anywhere but here."

Maybe you guys should call San Luis Obispo's NIMBY king T. Keith Gurnee. I heard that he knows a couple of things about lawn signs and getting his way. You could get all of the advice you need with one phone call!

Arroyo Grande resident Ben Oakley complained about a lack of transparency and said that residents found out that the location had been used as a winter warming center without their knowledge! Hey guys, I've got some news for you. Turns out that churches are used as warming shelters all over this county without ringing the neighborhood alarm. Because when people hear the word homelessness, all they can think of are drug-addled hobos with mental health issues who sexually assault small children.

We're talking about youth and families here! People who probably need some help to get their adult life started on the right foot because they don't have anyone else to turn to. Where do you want to put them? In an industrial area? Out of sight, out of mind? Away from town?

Turns out, if you're away from town, you might need a secondary access road due to public safety concerns, which is a big problem for BKS Cambria LLC's Max Schaefers, who represented a proposed campground and weird dormitory lodging facility in Cambria. He seems to think that a helicopter pad is just as good as a road!

"Safety of our guests is our primary concern," he told the San Luis Obispo County Board of Supervisors on April 9. "We'll ask them if they're OK with the property and these dangers and if they still want to camp on our site. And if they sign a waiver, why shouldn't they?"

Oh really Schaefers? What are you going to put on the waiver? "In case of fire, the only way out is two-by-two via helicopter. You buy, we'll fly. Cambria is a tinderbox full of dead Monterey pines. Sorry we don't have a public safety access route on the property, but you are camping, and that's risky. Sign here."

It's like he forgot about the fire that swept through Paradise last year. A bunch of people died because the town didn't have good access routes for emergency situations that called for an evacuation.

"Denied!" county supervisors voted.

Man, the elected crew that lords over SLO County was on a tear that day! They unanimously kicked CFAM out of Nipomo! One of the largest cannabis growing operations in the county, gone! Why? Oh, just unpermitted structures, growing thousands of more plants than are allowed by the county ordinance, illegal subletting to cannabis growers outside of SLO County, and being a shitty neighbor. Is that all?

If I was a fellow cannabis grower, I would definitely want CFAM out of town.

WTF was the point of legalizing the pot industry and crafting ordinances if you dumbasses are just going to flout it anyway? If you want to be legally viable, then be legal!

Don't be a shady CFAM baby. Δ

The Shredder just wants everyone to behave—well almost everyone. Send comments to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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