Artifacts: A guide to Valentine's Day happenings around SLO County, in heroic couplets 

SLO guys and gals, now listen here!

We’ve come upon that time of year

When expectations run too high,

The least you ought to do is try.

So settle down and don’t be frantic,
Here are some ways to get romantic:

 

If you’ve been out on Valentine’s

You know how everybody whines.

Dining is a royal pain.

But so you don’t exclaim in vain:

“We’re eating out—just try to stop us!”

Luna Red is serving tapas.

Vina Robles, Robert’s, Cass,

Will all feed valentines en masse;

Robin’s has a prix fixe deal

Where you can get a five-course meal;

The Paso Robles Inn will serve

The kind of steak that you deserve,

And lobster lovers eat their all

With wine de-vined at Robert Hall.

 

But after dinner, what to do?
Shows abound for you to view:

The Little Theatre will sing

Of Some Enchanted Ev-en-ing.

Suspended Motion’s got a show

Where kiddies aren’t allowed to go—

Look, don’t touch, try not to stare

At burlesque dancers in the air.

Love Letters out in Morro Bay

Will see two local actors play

The characters of A.R. Gurney,

Or take a “Sentimental Journey”

With Judy Philbin singing jazz

Among the tunes Dawn Lambeth has.

D’Anbino hosts two local bands:

Girls and Boys, and Shadowlands.

 

Suppose you aren’t inclined to sit:

Our local “Y” will get you fit

With couples yoga, and for youth

A chance to work off that sweet tooth

In a fitness class designed

With all those candy hearts in mind.

Dance with The Mooks in Pismo, or

Go on a singles winery tour,

Or swing dance at the Grange in Grover

(If you can flip your partner over.)

 

Don’t want to do the normal thing?

Then make your V-day interesting

With a romantic lighthouse tour

In Avila, or if you’re sure

Your partner is a John Wayne fan,

In Paso screens The Quiet Man.

Perhaps you have a lover’s tale?

There’ll be a vintage Airstream trail-

Er at Love Story Project’s fête:

How many stories can they get

Between now and this time next year,

So give them all that’s fit to hear.

 

Howe’er you choose to celebrate,

Just love each other, don’t berate.

If you’re alone, or if you’re paired,

Remember that this life is shared

And if you’ve read this valentine,

Then I am yours, and you are mine.

Send your comments, gripes, and woe

To emesser@newtimesslo

Dot com. ∆