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Apologies and acrimony 

Sorry, Sam. It must have been awkward when Sam Blakeslee, our cowboy-hat-wearing go-getter assemblyman, had to confront fellow Republican Assemblyman Mike Duvall. Blakeslee’s a lame duck in the Assembly, and was named minority leader this year. But in his first turns in that seat, he hand to handle Duvall stepping down from his committee rolls. Why, you ask?

At a recent appropriations committee meeting, as the members were chatting lightly, Duvall didn’t realize his microphone was live when he was talking about two female lobbyists whom he spanked and otherwise—what’s the word?—doinked. It looks like one of said mistresses is also a lobbyist for utility companies. Duvall is on the utilities commission. Oh, and he’s married with kids and has a strong religious-conservative following.

I Googled Duvall, and after scrolling through news articles and videos detailing his gigantic on-record spank-plosion, I finally stumbled on his official website. At least, it was his website. Now it’s just a half-assed apology.

“I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs,” the page reads. “My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling, and I regret my language and choice of words.”

What balls! His decision to resign wasn’t an admission of an affair, only that he shouldn’t have spoken about the affair he won’t admit to. That’s some fantastic rhetoric, Mike. I was wondering how a 54-year-old politician could score a spanking session, and now I know it’s an amazing ability to bullshit like a horny frat boy at last call.

Inappropriate storytelling isn’t the issue here. The issue is fooling around with a lobbyist representing an industry you’re supposed to regulate. Of course, this deserves a full dissection of his voting record and an investigation of the lobbyists.

Again, sorry Sam.

In other bouts of verbal diarrhea, there’s just no way to get around mentioning the latest stunt by rapper Kanye West. Long and short of it is: West made a bigger fool of himself than usual at the MTV VMAs. It’s not worth mentioning in any real depth, other than how adorable I think West is because he reminds me of Droopy Dog.

Scapegoats

All this talk about poor word choices, lax judgments, and outright douche-baggery, reminds me: There’s an odd lactose intolerance in the California Legislature these days. No, I’m not speaking of the general nausea caused by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s gigantic pulsating man breasts. One of the new hot-button items is a bill that would proclaim every May 22 as Harvey Milk Day.

Milk was the first openly gay public official of any significance, at least in modern times. After less than a year as a San Francisco supervisor, he was shot and killed. Openly gay San Francisco Senator Mark Leno is pushing the bill. Opponents have termed it “Gay Day.” The Pacific Justice Institute is fighting the bill because of how it would turn kids gay if any recognition is given to Milk or just acknowledging that gay people exist and do so legally—it’s not as if they’re homeless.

One can only assume by this logic that homosexuality is such an enticing sultry proposition that the mere mention is enough to convert a whole generation of students.

“This is one of the most blatant attempts yet to bypass parents and push homosexual indoctrination on young students,” Pacific Justice Institute Brad Dacus said in a press release.

More scapegoats

Former county supervisor Jerry Lenthall officially announced that he’s running for SLO County Sheriff. His candidacy was one of the worst-kept secrets in SLO County, but now it’s official. New Times and Lenthall have a rough history together. I could launch into plenty of topics here, but it’s a new role for him, and I’m feeling amicable. Maybe I’m just sleepy.

Whoever takes over the job, on top of the growing pile of public controversies soon to be left by Sheriff Pat Hedges, will probably be faced with hundreds of angry county employees, too. If you haven’t already, read Bob McDonald’s story on the county pension fund. He’s following on a recent cover story that showed how the fund is slowly bleeding out. McDonald reports some county employees are ready to sue because of how much they have to pony up to keep the fund afloat. Yet somehow the sheriff’s employees got a free pass: They won’t have to increase contributions and, because of nifty contract extension, will remain safe from increases for at least another year. That’s to say the county blocked sheriff deputies from forking over more of their paychecks to the pension fund.

Of course, at the time of their contract negotiations, Gail Wilcox was still in office, and according to the county’s investigator, still in the on-again phase of her relationship with former Deputy Sheriff’s Association leader Tony Perry. Is it safe to call this a Wilcox-block for the sheriff’s deputies?

Sorry, Gail.

Tell the Shredder something juicy at shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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