Two wrongs make a right, right? 

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At 4:20 p.m. on 4/20, I was way too busy smoking some super dank and totally legal weed to notice that some daredevil graffiti artist had jumped over the guardrail to spray paint "Cal Poly racist hicks" on the Union Pacific Railroad bridge over Monterey Street, in SLO Town. If I had seen it, I would have been like, "Dude (or dude-ette)! That bridge is, like, 20-feet high! Be careful, bro (or bro-ette)!"

I assume the graffiti artist was upset over all the racist B.S. happening up at Cal Poly, from frat bros in blackface and faux gang attire to the N-word scrawled in a men's room and pro-diversity posters vandalized and in some cases replaced with racist posters.

The screed was quickly painted over, but two days later, another graffiti artist spray-painted a couple of swastikas and "Cal Poly liberal pussies" in the same location.

Sigh. What can I say? For one, the left-wing vandal had a much smoother and stylish tagging style. The right-wing vandal made malformed swastikas and exhibited poor planning. It looked more like "Cal Pop" than "Cal Poly." Also, the swastikas? Seems a tad aggressive, not to mention it makes the sloganeer look like a Nazi ass-hat.

They're both defacing private property (bad!), but looking like an anti-racist (and apparently anti-hick) vandal seems better than looking like a white supremacist misogynist vandal ... misogynist because calling someone a "pussy" suggests that having a vagina is bad. Hey, Nazi asshat, your mother has a vagina!

The bottom line is this ongoing racist dustup shows no sign of settling down. On April 25, the L.A. Times ran a story called, "After blackface incident, minority students at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo say they don't feel welcome." Yikes! That's not going to help minority enrollment!

The article noted that Cal Poly has an African-American population of only 0.7 percent of the student body, which is the lowest percentage in the Cal State system. Yikes! I guess the move to diversify Poly hasn't picked up much steam since 2015, when African-American students also made up less than 1 percent of the student body.

Surprised? That's a big fat nope!

It probably doesn't help that the Cal Poly College Republicans continue to push provocation over policy. The club is moving ahead with a scheduled Fake News panel discussion in Mott Gym on April 26, featuring right-wing provocateur Milo "Pedophilia is Peachy" Yiannopoulos (yawn, last year wasn't boring enough for you guys!), as well as conservative YouTube show hosts Austen "Fleccas" Fletcher and Carl "Sargon of Akkad" Benjamin.

Hey look! They got actual fake newsmakers to come, but shouldn't some real journalists attend to counter their non-truthiness? More importantly, shouldn't the College Republicans act like responsible members of the university community and hold a forum that promotes an actual discussion rather than expensive division?

It cost the Cal State system $55,400 in added law enforcement presence during Milo's 2017 visit. According to Cal Poly University Police Chief George Hughes, it'll cost $100,000 this time around ... $100K so a handful of conservative Cal Poly students can get their jollies triggering their "liberal pussy" classmates at a time when the campus is roiling? Wow, your parents ought to be really proud. Clap, clap.

In the face of all the recent racism and Milo's unwelcome return, a new student group called Drylongso Collective has delivered a list of demands to Cal Poly. They want $155,400—an amount equal to that spent protecting Milo's last and upcoming visits—to be spent on LGBTQ and women's programs. The group also demanded, among other things, an endowed Ethnic Studies Department professorship; new hires in Ethnic Studies, Queer Studies, and Women and Gender Studies; increased funding for all cultural clubs (except those aligned with Zionist ideology ... hmm, is that anti-Semitic?); and a graduation requirement that all students attend Ethnic Studies. They also demanded the expulsion of the students photographed in blackface and racist garb (umm ... don't you think that's a bit much?).

Tensions are higher than I was on 4/20!

Dear white people, please unclench. Yes, you'll soon lose your stranglehold on being the majority, but maybe it's time to embrace diversity. Up in Paso Robles, some conservatives are freaking out over "illegal aliens," or as non-assholes call them, "undocumented workers doing the jobs you don't want."

These xenophobic, er, I mean patriotic citizens want Paso to join other fear-mongering California cities suing the state over SB 54 the so-called "Sanctuary State" law.

As retiring Paso Robles Police Chief Robert Burton told citizens, his department sends those arrested to the SLO County Jail, so the issue for Paso is moot. According to SLO County Sheriff Ian Parkinson, who for the record isn't a fan of SB 54 (and neither is his opponent Greg Clayton), only 2 percent of the current jail population is undocumented immigrants. This isn't exactly a sky-is-falling issue for us. In fact, the Migration Policy Institute estimates the unauthorized immigrant population in SLO County is only about 10,000 total, which means just 3.55 percent of our county population is undocumented.

Look, can all you racist crackers please stop freaking the fuck out! Sweet baby Jesus! You're embarrassing the rest of the white folk. Δ

The Shredder is the least racist machine Donald Trump knows. Send ideas and comments to [email protected].