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Sucker punch 

Like a broken clock that's correct twice a day, "news" blog and its co-founder Karen Velie got something right this week! Velie and her blog—found guilty of libel in 2017—broke news of a disturbing incident concerning a SLO city employee.

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On April 15, Velie wrote about Building Inspector Chris Olcott, who pleaded guilty to assaulting two people in Mr. Rick's in Avila Beach on May 28, 2016. Velie's blog also included a link to a YouTube video of the incident captured on Mr. Rick's security system.

In the video, Righetti High School special education teacher Camille Chavez appears to lightly brush against Olcott as she and her companion, Isaac McCormack, order a drink at the bar. In response to this egregious intrusion of his personal space, Olcott twice shoves his fat ass into the couple as they await bar service. After the second time, Chavez pushes back.

Olcott then elbows Chavez in the face, knocking her unconscious, and punches McCormack in the head three times before security personnel jump in and subdue Olcott.

Chavez was taken to the hospital by ambulance, and both she and McCormack were diagnosed with concussions. The video makes the entire altercation crystal clear. Olcott's attack was unprovoked. So why did his 13-day trial on a felony charge of battery with serious bodily injury end in a hung jury? Were the jurors blind?

According to Velie's April 15 blog posting, "Chavez said she overheard a juror ask why Olcott should lose his job because of two drunk Mexicans in a bar."

Racism, eh? Classy! Where was SLO County Superior Court Judge Jacquelyn Duffy? She couldn't see what was going on and direct the jury to put aside their prejudices and judge the case based on its merits?

Instead, Olcott was allowed to plead guilty to a misdemeanor battery charge, and he'll begin serving a mere 60-day sentence on May 20. Weak sauce! Not only that, but until recently Olcott was still working for the city inspecting buildings.

After Velie's story and the video came to light, City Manager Derek Johnson issued a statement: "We take these matters seriously. The safety and security of the community we serve, and our employees, is of utmost importance to us. The employee is currently on administrative leave pending completion of a confidential personnel investigation."

Paid administrative leave, in case you're wondering. Enjoy your vacation, asshole. If there's any justice, that leave will become permanent. Hopefully Chavez and McCormack will sue your Punchy McGee ass.

In other news, SLO Town has won yet another award! Go us! In what almost feels like satire, Noise Free America: A Coalition to Promote Quiet, whose motto is "Respect the Quiet™," issued an April 11 press release titled "San Luis Obispo: Paradise Lost," which said, "San Luis Obispo, California, an otherwise gorgeous community halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco, has won this month's Noisy Dozen Award from Noise Free America for allowing an avalanche of noise from motorcycles, loud car stereos, dirt bikes, and leaf blowers. While SLO is home to a near-perfect climate, seven mountain peaks, and nearby beaches, the city's noise levels render it 'paradise lost.'"

Winner-winner, chicken dinner! I'd like to thank all the little people who made this happen: the party-hardy college students, the street racers with aftermarket mufflers, the mow-blow-and-go yard maintenance experts—you're the true unsung heroes of this award!

The press release goes on to quote Jack Sheridan, a 43-year resident of SLO, who said, "The noises that plague me are guns, motorcycles, and dirt bikes. Unfortunately, it is legal to shoot outside the city. Dirt bikes are my biggest complaint. I feel my heart rate increase whenever I hear them in the distance. Awful! Harleys with modified exhaust mufflers are a problem in town whenever some aged idiots cruise up and down Higuera and Marsh streets. These olds guys remind me of kids putting cards in the spokes of their bicycles. To what end? A 10-year-old seeks this attention, but a 60-year-old?!"

I'm surprised Mr. Sheridan found the time to write to Noise Free America to complain. Between standing in his bathrobe on his front porch shaking his cane at neighborhood kids and screaming at them to get off his damn lawn, to leaving sternly worded notes on cars parked the wrong way on his street, I imagine he's pretty busy.

The press release also quotes SLO resident Greg Koby, who complained about "boom cars" and their use of "dangerous sub-woofers."

"'Live elsewhere?' asks Koby. 'I'm low-income; my choices are severely limited,'" the press release continued.

Um, you realize California is one of the most expensive states in the U.S., right? And SLO Town is the most expensive city in the county. Dude, you could move almost anywhere and live more cheaply than here!

"According to Koby, 'Oprah got it wrong. This town is a noise hell. I'm counting down the months, weeks, and days until I finally move.'"

Oh shit! Greg's going to move unless everybody shuts the hell up! SHHHHH!!!!!!! Δ

The Shredder is hunting wabbits. Be vewy vewy quiet. Send ideas and comments to [email protected].

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