Stay out of Cheney's sights 

As accused and self-acknowledged torturer and war crimes “mastermind” (an oxymoron) Dick Cheney begins his book tour, Dick warns that his tell-all memoir will have “heads exploding.”

Harry Whittington is a one-time friend of Cheney who was shot in the face and nearly killed in February 2006 by the trigger-happy former vice president. Whittington might wish that Cheney would cease and desist with his “explosive” rhetoric, as it likely makes his face throb with pain.

Whittington, now 82, had dozens of pieces of lead birdshot pierce his face and torso when the vice president blasted him with his shotgun at nearly point-blank range, and many of the lead pellets are too deeply embedded to ever be removed, including one piece lodged near Harry’s heart.

If an autograph seeker irritates Dick at a book signing and he reaches for his gat, my advice to those in line is: “Duck!”