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False advertising 

Telling the truth is way overrated. I mean, it’s so much easier—not to mention fun—to misrepresent yourself to get the desired effect you want. Take Phillips 66 and their rail spur project for instance. They’re acting like New Times and the Arroyo Grande Times-Press-Recorder have both endorsed their project, which opponents argue will endanger the community.

Local Sierra Club Director Andrew Christie pointed out that on the website created to support the P66 project, under a section called “In The News,” our logo as well as the Times-Press-Recorder logo are nicely placed between two “reassuring quotes citing the alleged need for the project and the alleged consequences of not getting a permit for it,” Christie explained. “Neither quote is from a news story or an editorial opinion of the paper, but from letters to the editor. Both quotes are in fact from the same letter, written by one Patrick Sidun, a P66 employee. This is like taking out an ad in the paper, then quoting from the ad and attributing it to the paper.”

Why yes, yes it is. For shame, Phillips 66! The site also had some quotes under The Tribune logo that have since been removed because The Tribune complained. We’d complain too, but then what would I have to write about?

Meanwhile, over in COLAB World, local political troll and CalCoastNews contributor Kevin Rice had continued his charade that Adam Hill will appear at his “Lincoln-Douglas style debate” he’s arranged for Jan. 28 at the Avila Beach Community Center between the three candidates—Hill, Debbie Peterson, and Dan Carpenter—competing for Adam Hill’s District 3 supervisor’s seat. More than two weeks ago, Hill issued a press release saying he would not participate because the debate lacked a moderator and was created by Rice, who has waged a long, dirty-trick-filled campaign against Hill.

“I won’t be participating in this farce,” wrote Hill, no doubt setting the groundwork for Donald Trump’s recent snubbing of the Fox News Republican Debate. Adam Hill—trendsetter!

Of course, this hasn’t stopped Rice from posting a flier on his euphemistically titled website that shows photos of Peterson, Carpenter, and Hill under the headline, “Don’t miss this 1st for SLO County: a REAL election debate.”

At the top of the page in red, it reads, “UPDATE: A false rumor alleges one candidate has formally declined to appear. Integrity SLO has received no such communication and is confident all three candidates desire to meet the public.” I guess since Rice didn’t get a hand-delivered copy of Hill’s formal Jan. 11 press release that read, “Supervisor Adam Hill will not be attending the Kevin P. Rice political event scheduled for Jan. 28 in Avila Beach,” it’s not a real thing.

Maybe since Rice once trespassed on Hill’s property to hand-deliver a “72-hour cure and correct libel” demand, he figures if Hill doesn’t come personally to him and hand him a sheet of notarized paper that tells him his can pack sand and shove it and his fake debate up his ass, it must mean Hill will attend. Sigh.

And in the REAL PATRIOT department, there’s Los Osos resident Neil Sigurd Wampler, who decided to show his solidarity with Professional Moron Ammon Bundy and his band of Faux American Heroes Who Want To Protect Ranchers’ God Given Right To Use Public Resources Without Paying For Them by joining the group in Oregon, where they’ve occupied a wildlife refuge.

The armed occupation is all about American rights, including—ostensibly—the right to bear arms, except Wampler lost that right after he was convicted of beating his sleeping father to death in bed. Wampler served his time, but he doesn’t like the law that rescinds his 2nd Amendment right. He even went as far as talking to the commander of the SLO Sheriff’s Coast Station.

“The commander had a series of conversations with Mr. Wampler regarding this issue,” Sheriff’s Public Information Officer Tony Cipolla explained in an email to New Times. “During this time it was determined that he had a prior homicide conviction which forbade him from owning a gun.”

The last I heard, Wampler was still pretending to be a Goddamn American Hero in Oregon. I wonder if he’s armed like the rest of those nitwits. I also wonder if his fellow “heroes” know he beat his father about the head and face with a 16-inch steel construction eyebolt, then covered his dead, mangled face with a yellow and white flower-patterned towel? So heroic.

Of course, it does prove what gun nuts are always saying: Guns don’t kill people; assholes with 16-inch steel construction eyebolts do. Of course, so do guns. Just ask Wampler’s standoff buddies LaVoy Finicum and Ryan Bundy, who failed to yield to a law enforcement traffic stop after they left the occupied compound. Finicum died and Bundy was wounded in a shootout.

Hey Wampler, you can misrepresent yourself as some sort of civil rights-protecting hero, but I have your police report.

The Shredder tells it like it is. Send ideas and comments to [email protected].

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