Cougars & Mustangs 

October has only just begun, but already beings across the Central Coast are terrified. Students are terrified of school having begun. Citizens are terrified of the roads now that students are here. Existentialists are terrified at the possibility of lack of meaning and lack of reality, but no one wants to talk to them anyway.

Personally, I think the Halloween spirit, unlike the tackiness of atrocious Easter pastels, is something that feels best when simmering through the veins all month long. Nothing starts a school year off right quite like irrational fear of one’s own campus, so if you need some nightmare fuel to inspire fabricated beliefs in the supernatural hub that is San Luis Obispo, Cougars and Mustangs is here to help.

click to enlarge

Y’know what’s really scary? When you have work or school early the following morning, and/or are on the autism spectrum and have an acute sensitivity to sound, and your upstairs neighbors are blasting their expensive subwoofer so loudly that it feels like your blood is curdling. On campus or even renting at a complex, respect the space, both physical and auditory, of the other occupants. This doesn’t just apply to a noise curfew after a certain hour. You can truly have your volume so loud that the sound is physically uncomfortable for those around you. Party all you like, but don’t be a jerk, OK? Some of the residents of SLO can be unfairly prejudiced against college students, but it’s easier to make that bias well deserved than you think.

Alright, now for a horror story. On a regular stroll through your favorite park, you find an intriguing, shining object. Believing it to be food, you attempt to take a bite, and before you know it, you’re choking. You are actually a curious wild animal that found litter, what a twist! You suffocate and die.

So, the above story is scary for multiple reasons. From a literary perspective, it’s an appalling, cliched twist. It may be 55 words but you’re not getting that into New Times’ 55 Fiction contest. More importantly, though, it’s important to remember to clean up after yourself when enjoying what the Central Coast has to offer. Scattering beer cans across this great nation of ours isn’t actually a random act of kindness for somebody who REALLY needed 10 cents; it’s rude and unsanitary. You’ll notice, soon, that there’s no detentioned trash picker-uppers to take care of your wrappers, like in high school. You will receive peer criticism for your apathy. Have a great month and school year, readers!

Intern Chris White-Sanborn is the scariest thing since sliced bread. Does that make him White bread? Send your collegiate news to [email protected].