Jewish and gay in SLO

Identity clashes with tradition for ‘sinning Jews’

"Julia" will never forget the sight of a young woman standing in the middle of the floor, shrouded in a white wedding gown. The fellow members of her Jewish yeshiva perform the traditional joyous dance to commemorate her union with her future husband, none realizing that she is a lesbian, and that her partner is in the same room.

"It was the most tremendous sadness imaginable," said Julia, a Jewish lesbian and San Luis Obispo County resident who was studying at a yeshiva, or Jewish school, in Israel when she first became aware of the plight of gay Jews. "I knew then that the only way [that] woman would be fully realized as a Jew was if she married a man."

Julia is one of a handful of county residents who have struggled over the years to integrate their faith in Judaism with their homosexuality. As an undergraduate and Orthodox Jew, Julia had considered studying to become a rabbi.

"As I came out in my 20s, I realized that it didn’t seem like being gay and being a rabbi went together," Julia said. "I didn’t think I had regrets in my life, but I realize that it was a door in my life I had closed because I felt uncomfortable. While it may have had more to do with the discomforts of youth than my sexuality, I think I would have felt differently today."

"Veronica" is also Jewish, a lesbian, and a resident of San Luis Obispo County. Having grown up in an Orthodox home, she feels like more of an outcast today than she did decades ago.

"My parents were not educated people. They were simple country folk, but they were decent people," Veronica said. "I don’t ever remember [the issue of homosexuality] coming up, but I know no one made bad comments about peoples’ religion. Judaism is supposed to teach you how to be a decent person. Recently I overheard a couple of Presbyterian deacons talking about their church and how they didn’t want gays there. Another woman I know said there were ‘too many homosexuals in the movies.’ I couldn’t believe people were saying these things."

While Veronica still makes an attempt to shield her sexuality from the public, Dr. Marty Rochlin, a San Luis Obispo County resident, explained that homophobia and anti-Semitism have prompted him to take a militaristic stance in defending his Judaism and homosexuality.

Raised by an atheist father, Rochlin objects to the idea of organized religion but identifies himself as a "cultural Jew" and lover of Jewish culture.

"When I was growing up, homosexuality was virtually non-existent; it was never mentioned," Rochlin said. "Although I don’t in any way think that one leads to another, being Jewish and gay have a lot in common because they are both socially oppressed categories."

Rochlin, 73, admits that it took him awhile but he is now very proud of the many things he is.

"I’m a musician, a psychologist, a senior citizen, and a Central Coast person, but I’m also gay and Jewish," Rochlin said. "It’s the things people fear and hate that need to be affirmed."

San Luis Obispo Unity Minister Leona Evans recalled her first experience when she realized that if God is not unconditional love, God must not exist.

"I was raised as a Jew myself, and once when I was 10 years old I was hit in the eye with a rock and called a ‘Christ-killer.’ I remember thinking that no human being should be made to feel the way I did," Evans said.

Evans realized that many of the misconceptions people have come from fundamentalist, literal interpretations of the Bible.

"There are things people ignore in the Bible as well, like sleeping in the same tent with someone on their menstrual cycle. While I respect the right of people to be Orthodox, I understand [the Bible] as the archetypical search for God and self-awareness," Evans said. "It’s metaphorical, and lessons can be learned about making mistakes."

According to an April 2001 article by Naomi Grossman in Moment magazine, a Jewish culture publication, official Jewish Orthodoxy makes no distinction between the physical sex act and homosexuality as a sexual identity.

"Leviticus [in the Torah] forbids homosexuality, but it is a dilemma above my abilities to comment on. It is a personal decision," said David Stern, president of Temple Ner Shalom in San Luis Obispo and board member for the Jewish Community Center.

The passage in question, from Leviticus 10:13, contains the following text: "Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence." The Oxford Dictionary of the Jewish Religion states that the Orthodox have continued to denounce homosexual sex while accepting homosexuals as full, but sinning, Jews.

"[Jews] need to be respectful of all people," Stern said. "It is possible to be a good Jew and be gay. I believe in some cases [homosexuality] is not a choice."

As an ex-student of Judaism, Julia explained the difficulty even most experts have of interpreting the true word of the Torah.

"You can take a small phrase, such as the first line of Genesis: ‘In the beginning … ’ and we could fill an entire room with commentary, debates, and discussions of what rabbis think," Julia said. "You can interpret things on many levels."

Veronica does not attend Jewish services and no longer considers herself particularly religious, but still identifies with those who practice Judaism.

"I don’t think the Bible forbids homosexuality," Veronica said. "Religion and spirituality have to do with loving people, not

condemning the supposed choices they make. There is no reason to hate others in the name of religion. Of the three things to be–Jewish, gay, and a woman–I have received the most prejudice as a Jew."

Other residents, however, feel differently.

"I have only had positive experiences all my life. Even from my childhood in Los Angeles, I have never received discrimination from being Jewish, although I have from being a lesbian," said "Rose," a retired 15-year resident of San Luis Obispo County.

Rose, 70, has marched in county Gay Pride parades that have been picketed, protested, and yelled at, but she doesn’t take it personally.

Rose also does not attend religious services, but she admits that Judaism gives her good feelings about herself.

"I believe in the Old Testament, not the New Testament. I see where one can interpret [the forbidding of homosexuality], but I don’t believe it," Rose said.

Stern believes that much of the discrimination against gay Jews comes from individual preconceptions, not the teachings of Judaism.

"For example, when my younger brother married out of the faith my father was appalled," Stern said. "Families are families no matter what the issue. We have to go along with peoples’ choices to be accepting."

Julia admitted that while she has felt accepted in San Luis Obispo County, she misses the real connection she felt in a group of her peers, such as the gay and lesbian synagogue she belonged to when she lived in Los Angeles.

"In Jerusalem I hooked up with some other Jewish lesbians and we shared a house together," Julia said. "We would celebrate the Sabbath together, let our guards down, and we were truly accepted by one another."

Evans feels a deep sympathy for people in situations like Julia’s.

"I believe in the presence of God as love. It pains me to believe that there is any human being that would feel unworthy," she said.

Gay Jews have been building as a community since the late 1990s, marked by the founding of the Gay and Lesbian Yeshiva/Day

School Alumni Association, a social support group based in New York City; the Tzvi Aryeh AIDS Foundation in New York; and the Orthodykes, an Orthodox Jewish lesbian organization with groups in New York, Israel, and on the Internet.

"There are openly gay couples in synagogues all over the nation," Stern said, although there are no groups here because of the smaller population.

A recently released film has given a voice to gay Jews forced to live double lives. The award-winning documentary–"Trembling Before G-d"–features many first-person accounts of gay Jews and lesbians who discuss their lives and their faith.

"It is so unusual for a community like San Luis Obispo to see a film like this," said Ellen Sturtz, who has been publicizing the film locally as a volunteer. "I wanted people to know how unique this is. This film will allow people to ask questions. I think it’s worth 84 minutes of peoples’ time."

Many of the featured subjects have been disowned from their families, expelled from synagogues, forced to undergo psychological "conversions" to heterosexuality, and sent into arranged marriages. After being in the film, many of the subjects’ lives have been changed, some for the better, some for the worse.

The film was written and produced by New Yorker Sandi Simcha DuBowski, who was inspired after meeting the gay son of an ultra-Orthodox rabbi who had been thrown out of seven yeshivas.

DuBowski spent five years trying to locate people who were willing to tell their stories, filmed in ultra-Orthodox communities where people did not even own televisions, and had to secretly bring film to rabbis in Jerusalem to show them clips so they would participate.

Sturtz first learned about the film from a friend, and wanted to bring the film to San Luis Obispo to expand social awareness within the Jewish community.

"I think a lot of people are very receptive and open to the film," Sturtz said. "It’s a very Jewish thing to want to be open to Jews, but there’s still a lot of alienation in terms of gay-ism in the Jewish Community."

A group of local Jewish organizations including Hillel, Temple Ner Shalom, Congregation Beth David, Temple Beth El, and the Jewish Community Center of SLO have come together to present a special showing followed by a discussion led by Evans.

"She’s incredible," Sturtz said of Evans. "She quotes from many different spiritual paths. She’s the perfect person to facilitate discussion after the film."

Sturtz said she did encounter some prejudice while putting up posters for the film, but was more surprised by the overwhelming majority of shopkeepers who allowed the posters to be hung in their windows.

"I fully expected them to say no. I wanted to give them an opportunity, since [the posters] might be controversial, but they said ‘that’s OK, go ahead,’ " Sturtz said. "I think it’s fine when people express their prejudice if they are willing to discuss how they feel and have the opportunity to see how their prejudice affects people."

"Trembling Before G-d" is currently in release in the United States, Israel, and Germany. It has received 10 awards, including the Teddy Award for Best Documentary at the Berlin Film Festival, the Mayor’s Prize for the Jewish Experience at the Jerusalem Film Festival, and the Gold Plaque for Best Documentary at the Chicago Film Festival. It was an official Sundance Film Festival selection for 2001.

Stern hopes that the film will go a long way in educating people about the lives of others.

"Discrimination is a bad word. It’s an illness. If there was no discrimination we wouldn’t see news headlines like we do today," Stern said. Æ