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The following articles were printed from New Times [newtimesslo.com] - Volume 28, Issue 37
Cougars & Mustangs
BY CHRIS WHITE-SANBORN
Strange, but true: I spotted a discarded Cal Poly Industrial and Manufacturing Engineering shirt in a large recycle bin the other day. Jokes about “going green” aside, I am pleased to report that I have finally evolved past my nefarious, psychotic impulse to infiltrate Cal Poly’s Open House as a means to truly earn that glorious, equine title you see after the ampersand. I’ve worked through that. I’m done, I swear.
So, I will not be up to my usual hijinks this weekend when that brass band starts playing. Instead, I will be elsewhere, calmly daydreaming about an upcoming social event involving my own kind, the ASCC Social Clubs “Fun in the Sun Spring Event,” which will be taking place on Tuesday, April 15, from 12 to 3 p.m., in room 5312. It requires a valid student ID to attend, not, say, a counterfeit one you specially ordered from a perfectly legitimate business in Las Vegas, or swiped from a drunk half-giant who you purposefully lost to in a card game. No, such tactics to achieve entrance would be desperate, and are completely beyond me.
Why show off your latest evil inventions at an awesome school pride event for a school you don’t even attend in the first place, when you can instead enjoy food, games, prizes, and more at a gathering assembled by the pleasant staff of Cuesta’s Social Club? There’s no need to fraternize with other alumni, talking about the good old days, or enjoy a parade on Saturday, April 12, from 9 to 10 a.m. starting on Grand Avenue and Perimeter Road and making its way to University Avenue. It’s much more fulfilling to somehow achieve having “Fun in the Sun” indoors.
But let’s suppose that room 5312 was not actually a front for a sinister organization of misguided community college students bent on taking over the world. Err, rather, let’s suppose it was. This moment of school and, frankly community pride, will occur on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, so hurry on over, you early-bird readers. More information can be found at studentlife.calpoly.edu/orientation/openhouse/. I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of impressive stuff, so congrats to the students for their hard work. Heck, that includes Cuesta. College life is pretty stressful, after all. And you know what they say: stressed students have a higher likelihood of aspiring after the villains in their favorite Saturday morning cartoons. Wouldn’t you rather be a Cougar than Skeletor? ... Um, don’t answer that.
Intern Chris White-Sanborn was nowhere near the scene of the crime, but neither was Snicket, for that matter. Send your collegiate news to firstname.lastname@example.org.